MriCan’t with this video: sex and horns under a body scanner

A video of sex happening? On youtube? Inside a body scanner? I dunno what I was expecting from this “how life looks like inside an MRI machine”. In my mind’s eye, I suppose, it was meant to be something like this: Because anytime I imagine coitus plus anything technology, Bjork’s sex bots mechanically fondling one another is going to be the first thing that bubbles to the surface from my.. Read More

ROV finds ROVing sea creature with a chainsaw face.

I seriously figured this had to be a hoax when I saw it: Really, nature? This mother effer looks like the lost aqueous cousin from Puppet Master’s horror collection. And the diving scientists who were submerged for research (not really them, but their Nautilus Live expedition ROV) were about as surprised as I was to see this swimming machete meandering along through the watery depths too, according to the video.. Read More

Eff the circus. Leave these poor fat ass elephants alone.

It’s adorable seeing animals anthropomorphized on the interwebz. Sometimes it’s even useful. Especially if you’re issuing grim life updates: And I get sick of seeing the peanut gallery and their buzz killery via shaming owners for the adorable media being shared: “Waaah… You must be abusing your dog if they’re sitting in that swing… or walking on two legs… or on fire…” You know the deal. You’ve seen the comments… Read More

Fancy some morning wood? Or midnight wood?

Ever woken up to the birds chirping? Sunlight streaming through the window slates? A fleshy morel tipped cattle prod sleepily molesting the small of your back? Among the things I miss least about past relationships are the half-awake propositions for sex when I’ve still got crusted eye snot gluing my lower and upper lashes together on one eye, while the other awkwardly darts around trying to remember those upon-waking details.. Read More

Do remiss food service workers deserve to die?

Ever get fed up with food servers fccking up your order? I do. When my local baristas get it wrong (and six times out of seven days a week, they do), the worst I ever do is pitch the scalding drink at her face like a baseball for her oversight. I’d never, however, dream of shooting up the window of the drive-through like this one Californian couple did after their.. Read More

Is your Asian cooking sh*tty? Why not add opium like this guy?

On the heels of the Meth-ican Taco truck, we now swing our cultural interrogation lamp… …toward China. Down for a side of “nod” with your noms, kids? Why not try Zhang’s opium-MSG special? Just kidding. You can’t. Firstly because the culinary chemical secret santa had his place o’ bizz in Shaanxi Province, China (you’re probably not hanging out over there, are you? Most of you?) And secondly because, well, Mr… Read More

Fly the fappy skies! Guy tries to ejac. and eject from plane. ’cause – why not?

Or just twice-over-suicidal if you’re like this one masturbatory maniac. Mr. Doug Adams, a randy patron of the friendly skies, found that the altitude wasn’t the only thing rising up during his cloudy trek from Boston to L.A. So, he did what you might imagine any man heading to the city of angels while donning a hospital bracelet might do: go for a little lower auto-release. In mid air. In.. Read More