“As a woman, I endorse this,” I told my newest massage therapist. He was, of course, in the middle of describing to me the “hot versus crazy” x/y axes chart used to identify dateable women as he unleashed the week’s tension from my suboccipital lobe. I hadn’t heard of this one yet, so I made a point to come home and promptly look it up on Youtube after our session.. Read More
Woof wardrobe isn’t 100% stupid (say experts). But close (says me.)
When I was little, my mom would make me wear the most mortifying ensembles. Baubles. Clown suits. Ribbons with streamers. Dresses with shoulders that looked like cheerleader pompoms and felt like the pads the players they were cheering for wore. Mushroom hair cuts and thick awkward bangs. Tights and long sweatshirts. Poor fitting warm up suits that felt silly because I’d not yet myself been indoctrinated into the sports I.. Read More
Update on Starbucks’ new faux-co-nut milk
Well, it’s a good thing there’s still a week left till ‘bucks starts adding coconut milk to my addiction list. Why? ‘cause it gave me a chance to read an update on how… it’s not true coconut milk. Here’s the ingredient list: Now, if you can’t read that, the ingredients include water, coconut cream, cane sugar, tricalcium phosphate, coconut water concentrate, natural flavors, sea salt, carrageenan, gellan gum, corn dextrin,.. Read More
Sleeping in squalor: one more reason you’re disgusting
Did you know that every night you lay down, you explode a grenade of grossness into your sheets? And jammies? When I heard an FYI report about “how we all need to wash our pajamas”, I experienced one of those involuntary head cocks that’s become synonymous with the rhetorical cascade of questions I seem to have at least once a day now when I turn on my T.V. or indulge.. Read More
Heroin fructose cocaine syrup
“It all comes from the same plant, maaaan.” That’s the typical I’m-outta-whatchya-want-try-this-instead drug-dealer pitch I thought of when I saw this food documentary last night. I mean, I’ve written about how refined sugar makes your body make fat before. But what I didn’t realize until I saw this was how (addictively speaking) comparable high-fructose corn syrup is to cocaine or heroin. Yes, the claim seemed awfully dramatic at first –.. Read More