A year ago I started watching AdventureTime.
Then I stopped somewhere mid-season 1. I couldn’t for the life of me remember why I’d stopped seeing this epic show – until I took it up again this past month. And that reason is because it’s so good that it’s not only highly addictive, but also has a million and one things we all need to learn from (so much so that its makes me hate reality and want to BMO-beam into the candy kingdom forever). In fact, I literally was taking notes as I was watching. But then my ios update on my phone erased.effing.everything. Lucky enough for all of us, the shows themes are strong enough that I could recall at least a good handful of things we can all learn from AVT. Here’s nine of ‘em:
1. If our only god was “glob”.
I either haven’t paid enough attention or missed the episode where they defined what “glob” is, exactly. But without the appropriate context, I like to think of it as some nameless, unidentified entity – an amorphous glob of blob that we are all welcome to revere in our own way – and who loves us all equally whether we’re made of bubblegum or keep princesses prisoner like the Cassanova psycho from Kiss the Girls.
2. If we always evicted drama mongers. From every circle.
People who are bored with their lives or surviving love to start shit and throw shade. People raised to be normal don’t take kindly to this – a fact Lumpy Space Princess learned the hard way. Sure, she liked slumming with the wolves for a little bit. But it didn’t take long for her old social habits to kick in. When food and shelter are a sure thing your whole life, you get bored and start turning insignificant events into problems. This is why everyone turned on her instead of the slutty wolf she was calling out. Because they need the whole pack to survive – not drama breaking it up. So snitches get stitches. (Although, I do wonder why she didn’t just float away instead of letting them chomp on her.)
3. If we each had a flexible best friend.
If we all had a malleable partner in crime (or anti-crime in this case) who’s as easy-going and simple as Jake, our lives would be so much better. He’s a ride or die type who’s always open to adventure and that’s pretty much priceless. But so is Finn. I guess the lesson on this one is “to have a friend, you have to be a friend”. More specifically, you gotta be the kinda friend you’d like to have.
4. If our leaders were made out of sugar and spice instead of acid and spite.
The candy kingdom seems like a mostly peaceful place until Lemongrab shows up. What I liked about the that episode is that the candy people made him and then realized it was a mistake to give him the power of “next in line”. It sounds a lot like our election process. Something sounds promising, and then once they assume power, we all get sentenced to twelve million years dungeon.
5. If we didn’t use our infirmities as an excuse to be cowards.
I recently stepped on something with bare feet and started bleeding everywhere. For some reason, I started laughing hysterically. My mom said, “Gee, I wish I could laugh when I hurt myself,” but her face was really saying, “This bish done lost it.” Had I? Maybe laughing like Sheri Moon Zombie is a bit strange, but if detaching an emotional reaction I don’t like having from an incident is possible because it lets me move on with my day and kick ass unhindered, then maybe cray ain’t so bad. Just like when Finn gets stomped by the candy-licking horse and Forrest Gumps his way outta his lower-body cast to save the day.
6. If there were only as many “quacks” in the field as this quacker in this field:
Gotta love the snake-oil salesman duck. He reminds me of one of those doctors who get high on their own supply and try to push whatever the sales rep just dropped off versus what you actually need. The brilliant thing about the thimble symbol in the armor episode was how perfectly it represents covering up our big ugly problem-splinters with armor instead of plucking them out.
7 . If the post-living process was as clean and simple as this:
I love that everyone turns into skeletons as soon as they die. How much less unsettling would wakes, funerals, and the cleanup of my dead hooker piles be? Also, it’d be great for the zombie apocalypse. Far less daunting if the dead can’t walk or chomp. #amirite?
8. If we were all kinder to the helpless. Even when they’re a pain in the ass.
Like Snow Golum here.
(But maybe don’t let them quite melt you into a puddle. Because: death. There’s a happy medium.)
9. As a yes-and to 8… if we helped even those helpless ‘cause of crazy:
Ice king clearly has some self-esteem issues. His Tinder profile probably says something like “I’m into icy homicide, kidnapping, hating my body in front of the mirror, and paralyzing my friends”. But we love him anyway as one of our own because he’s affable and has impeccable comedic timing. Finn and Jake show mercy in a “he knows not what he does kinda way” Which is just as admirable in real life as it is fun in a cartoon world where the villain complies with two vigilante teenagers when they tell him he’s “grounded”. Glob would approve.
Aaaand here I’ll open up the floor to an acceptable number 10. Any comments are welcome on how your overall life would improve if you could beam something from AVT to IRL like BMO beamed the bad guys from digital land to sunshiney earth.
Let’s hear it, cuties.