Mmmkay.
I’m gonna try to do an honest to goodness mental rewind here on what my brain first did looking at this story that popped up in my feed today. When I see something like this, first thing I do is: look at the pretty picture and say “Oooh.”. Then I read the title. Then I read the subtext. Then click the link. And skim the article. Maybe. But right from the start, there’s this whole preposterous spectacle unfolding in the folds of my brain meat.
“That’s cute!”
“It looks like the thing they wore in the second to the last resident evil! Or IronMan!”
“Yes, but will it charge my iphone?”
That was just an iceberg tip of the mess meandering down my mental corridors as I glanced over the headline. Then, sure enough, when I go to actually read the story behind the story – it spotlights my own gut-reaction thoughts. And reminds me that I’m being “one of them” deep down in my gooey center. Why? Because this energy jewelry innovation is meant to be more of an artistic thing. A statement pointing a finger at the tech-obsessed by symbolizing overconsumption of all things needing energy until, finally, we’re willing to siphon it outta anywhere, including ourselves. Though I haven’t read that much more about these pieces than IFLS’s coverage of it, I rather like the idea of literal energy vampires.
Feeding our addictions at the expense of our own bodies and minds.
Even after this creepy video, though (and even knowing I’m acting on my inner tech-addict with this power-pornography), I still totally want one’a these things when they make a f’real one (not just performance piece props). Mostly because I want to see if wearing this while jogging, getting angry at a frozen laptop, or working up a sweat while issuing the prostitutes chained in my basement their daily beatings, will make for more energy or not. Ya know? Because of all the extra blood pumping? On second thought though, I’m afraid to hook up my five-hour-to-charge iphone to my new bling. That thing’s such a goddamned energy eater, I’m pretty sure it’d exsanguinate me in point five seconds like a vamp on a fairy.
And still be at only red-percent battery life.
But I suppose that’s just the nature of addiction.
Faradays and fairies alike, it’s just never enough.