Ever heard that phrase “watch the clock” before?

It’s helpful, isn’t it? To keep self-tabs on what you’re doing and for how long. But what about when the clock’s watching you? What about when the clock (and the person who implanted a hidden camera into it to fap to you and your girlfriend later) are keeping tabs on you? A recent news story grabbed my interest today with that premise – both because it’s local and because the thought of privacy invasion seems to be a threat coming from all angles nowadays – government, nosy neighbors, even from our own landlords. The title read thusly: “Richmond tenant, girlfriend sue landlord over what they found in a clock radio.”

First, let me say I just love that story title.

Online headlines have to really try to get you to click on the story, so they employ a literary Gypsy Rose Lee tactic of removing just a strap or a glove of diction to give you a glimpse of a hint of what lays beneath. But unless Gypsy has a sternum penis betwixt her breasts like a burrito sandwiched between twin burgers, we all know what’s underneath this stage garb headline, don’t we? Are we really wondering? “What could be in the clock radio? A Pez dispenser? The prize I can never find in the bottom of the Cheerio box? Gwyneth Paltrow’s severed head? Whaaat’s in the cloooock?!”

Sure as an ample set of phallus free mammaries under a bustier, it’s always a hidden camera under these teasers.

Isn’t it?

Still we click on it anyway. (Why?! I’ve seen this before!)

Because – what if it were me? I mean this happened in Richmond – so close to here! Makes it so much more real . Even though I don’t know these people any better than others this has happened to in Alabama or somewhere else that may not even exist when I’m not there. And even though it didn’t happen in some southern state stereotypically known for its questionable sexual practices, there was a sexually questionable story within this story that jarred me – just seconds before the news clip ended. It’s almost like they injected the detail at the last second to test us. To see who’s paying attention out there or who just goes with the gist. But before I say anything (despite the two huge hints I just dropped), I’d like you to watch and tell me if you can pick it out:

Did you watch? Did you get it?

My raised torch, pitchfork, and battering ram – all destined for Arnaiz’s present location – made a sudden perplexity induced descent when I heard that bit before the finale: “She was a minor at the time.” (Keep in mind they’ve had the place since 2012.) Now, my brain’s just going a mile a minute and I’ve got legit questions for you to answer for me. We know Arnaiz is sick. He’s the villain of this fairy tale. But if among his charges is child pornography because the victim’s bish was underage, what does that mean? If it just means she was walking around naked and using the loo like everyone does in privacy, I get it. That’d be Chester material. But, like, is it more than that? Because, if so – doesn’t the tenant dude have to be 18 to rent? Which would mean he was forking her underage? And that’s on video? Or did that “intimate bedroom stuff” happen after she turned 18 (which was between 2012 and now?) And they waited like good law abiding boys and girls do? I’m asking because what I really wanna know is this: if they didn’t wait – can he get in trouble with the police who recovered years of footage from the landlord’s computer? Even though they only found it because of a crime that’d been done to him? Privacy raping a statutory rapist? That’s an inception level transgression right there. Now there’s your dick-in-tits headliner: “Richmond voyeur victim and voyeur could share same cell” The worst part is of that’d be… well we all know how good kiddie diddlers get it in prison. The leader of the Aryan gang ain’t gonna look over his criminal resume with spectacles (to see she was almost 18/not nearly as bad as an older landlord recording her for wankspiration) before gang banging and shanking him in the shower, either.

And I’d agree with you who’re probably saying I’m overthinking this.

I am.

But I genuinely feel they throw in shiz like this just to fluck with folk like me…