Superman’s easy access lasers may not be far off.
Kinda. Not really. (I just wanted an excuse to share that amazing superpower I wish I had.) Although I’d love an intrinsic capacity to pupil preen the follicles from my stems, unfortunately this’ll only include the x-ray vision part and it’s in the form of a gun, not glasses. Or injectable superpowers. Also, it can’t see through pants – which is kinda stupid (I still feel it’s not fair that you can see our boobs when your mooseknuckle’s hidden under layers of denim).
Even so, this miniature x-ray gun is pretty major for all the duh-reasons. It took about seven years to shrink the contraption (which uses the same thing TSA violates you with pre jet setting) down to a nine pound device. And while it can’t yet penetrate organic tissues, its prospective uses are manifold. Got drugs? We can see ‘em. Got bombs? We can see ‘em. Got a truck full of immigrants who’ve suffered and only want refuge in a country whose major landmark statue is basically a welcome mat for that sorta thing? Yeah. We can totally see ‘em. And we’re sending them back. That shitty statue’s just for show. Whatd’ya expect when our whole election system’s based on promises our leaders don’t plan to fulfill?
The upside, I suppose, is that the boys in blue still will need a warrant to use the new x-ray gadget. Also, from outside the privacy of your home, it’s not likely this gun beam (beta version at least) will be able to bore through your walls.
That’s a relief. I’d be mortified to learn anyone was virtually invading my nightly ritual of singing along to the timeless theme songs of 90’s Nickelodeon show intros while I dance around spastically in my onesie with the trap door open for a breeze.
MMyeah. If Franco’s coming to my party, I’m gonna need an X-ray gun of my own.
Upgraded to the perv-vision package.
I apologize for that stupid joke I just made. Let’s be honest. Homie could be packing a baby carrot with two brussel sprouts and you know good goddamned well I’mma still burgle that rear flap of his jammies. Or however he likes to do the sex.
Who’s privacy would you like to perforate with beams from a weapon of mass invasion?