What if Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak could hide what we can feel?
Naw, dude. I meet – physically feel. With your hands and stuff.
Before you start mocking my Hogwart’s fantasy, I’ll have you know that see-through cloaks have been researched and created already. Some even surmise that the military’s already using it. From figuring out ways to stay stealth when their boots hit the ground to hiding whole tanks from enemy view, this is def a technology our camouflaged comrades would covet. So now that we know that that’s a real thing not merely wrought from some Hollywood ex-car dwelling genius, we can also mayhaps accept the following: other researchers have proceeded to create a structure capable of concealing any pressure detection when objects are underneath it. This crazy polymer material can indeed make whatever’s underneath it – be it feather or metal – hidden from our sense of shove.
Actually, Captain Spaulding, it’s not terribly thick itself.
The stuff is basically made up of all these teensy needle-esque cone thingies whose tips meet like phallic star wars light sabers. But unlike the junk junctions of experimental pre-pubescent boys, these cone tips make a magical crystalline structure in their merging (I feel like there’s an extra pedo-bear joke in there. Let’s not today. I haven’t the energy.) Because of this specific setup, the result is a polymer with an impressive impervious-to-pressing capacity.
So, what good could this do in the real world?
The researchers kinda made it sound like they just did this for a laugh, but isn’t that how those infamous “last words” always sound before atomic bomb annihilation transpires somewhere down the line? That’s half the fun of science, though, IMO – not knowing when the thing you made with your skull sphere will grow a cock and rape you with it.
While some sweeter science minds than mine believe this technology could be upgraded to perfectly aid those Princess and the Pea issues you might have while out camping atop rocky terrain or sunbathing on uneven grass the this summer (more like ten summers from now – upgrades take time), I’m more into considering the business end of it of it. For instance, now when I board boats to go visit with my weapon dealer, the guy who pats me down first won’t feel the five heaters I’ve secreted away on my person.
(Like mama taught me: “Use your head; bring some arms.”)
Also, once they combine this technology with Potter’s magic cape, not only can you sneak into Hermione’s house, but you can also bump broomsticks with her mid slumber – without her even feeling it! Although, ya know, un-dick-tectability probably isn’t a problem for you anyway if you hafta B&E for P in Va-G. #justsaying.
Any other good ideas out there on how to employ this useful sorcery?