First, I’d like to say Kate Upton, Cameron Diaz, and Leslie Mann are all gorgeous.
That said – my rating for “The Other Woman” (a film I reluctantly watched because I was brain dead, sick at the time, and it was free to stream online even though my computer probably contracted AIDS in the process), is a huge thumbs down. Or thumbs up – if I’m one of those ancient rich Roman gladiator funders watching the fight and deciding the stronger dude should go ahead and murder the pussy dude. (‘cause that’s what the hand signal really meant – I know ‘cause I watched the show “British” on a slightly-but-not-much smarter day in my life).
Anyway, my negative five stars are because it tries too hard, Upton has point five lines, and this character happened:
(insert joke about this being more of a cameo appearance and not acting at all)
Also there is no M-Brane parallel universe world on any plane, in any direction, in any quantum universe, on any day of any year… where Cameron Fcking Diaz should be jealous of Kate Upton. I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry. I love Kate and she’s gorgeous and beautiful and I wish I could grow a temporary phallus so that even then I wouldn’t be worthy of her making coitus to me with her scorchy hotness.
However, if we’re to revisit that gladiator analogy, Cameron has a body that’s equal parts sensual and ready-for-war. She’s like those mythical Amazonian women who’d slice off their own tits to shoot arrows better and still exude pure sex all the while. And while we’re talking about dimensions, her persona’s made more interesting by its irony. Can she kick ass and take names? Yes, she can do all that – from the desk of a ruthless company-runner, the seat at the front of a class, and (the more obvious) angel to Charlie. Or Bernie Mac. Or whoever it is. But then she can turn around an flash a smile a mile long which might almost be frightening if not so endearing that it makes you believe she’s the girl next door instead of a pot-smoking, colleague-framing, gold-digging substitute teacher.
Whether you’re aware of it or not, that dimension is what molds your perception when you see the same actors in different films. The brain likes to compare shiz. (Shhh shhh… don’t try to fight it. Just accept and roll with it). And since we’re talking about roles, Miss Upton might craft her own 3-D style and persona for people to believe as she takes more roles in more movies (and does more acting classes). But for now, the efforts to make her the “hotter than everyone else” chick within the parameters of this movie (which otherwise had a couple of funny scenes from Mann and Diaz) just felt sarcastic. Or contrived. Or both. It’s like the thing I wrote last week. You can’t hot-or-not someone when they’re not doing anything. What if she has a man voice? What if he walks on all fours? Don’t these things count? You definitely can’t compare the scathingly hot new girl in school to someone you’ve already decided you adore. The latter chick always gets the homecoming crown until the new bish proves herself. Samesies with movies.
I dunno who did this film, but…
No, Kate! I was going to say “good effort.”
This little sidestep into the world of RomCom is brought to you by:
“Things I Regret Watching Please God Forgive Me”.