“Leonardo Dicaprio backs out of role for Steve Jobs movie…”
I read this headline that had hacked its way into my Facebook newsfeed somehow with about as much interest as I would any other celebrity update. However, I’d be remiss if I didn’t admit that my gut reaction response to being force fed this “news” was… “Wait… could that be because he realized he was casted for a movie that’d already been made? And horribly so?”
#sorrynotsorry
Generally, I’m not too big on Hollywood biopics anyway.
I always wonder what salient details they’ve missed. Especially when it comes to someone as equal parts serene and genius as Jobs seemed to be. From his quotable talks to whatever little interviews there are out there, I kinda want a documentary with actual footage of the f’real dude and his homies who knew him way back when they were hippie-ing out together in college. So – why haven’t I watched any Tech-True-Hollywood stories on Jobs yet? Dunno. Haven’t thought about it. Until, like some mystical synchronicity of things in my sidebar, I got a “flashback Friday” I’d never seen before:
Jobs, dropping the Wifi awesome bomb on the public.
Note to cell phone era kiddos watching this big reveal: there was a time when the idea of that computer brick welded to your palm was about as in-the-next-decade conceivable as a rainbow sharting unicorn. In fact, back in 1999, laptops themselves were online-useless without a super annoying cable that had to go into the wall. Thank god this was resolved by the time I hit college and needed to get work done at Starbucks because the girls across the hall couldn’t STFU. But before that? If you wanted to look at porn or chat with randos on AOL to plan a meetup, you had to do it in your parents’ basement and have a really good ear for when you heard them coming. So, that bit o’ context might help clarify why there’s a big fat standing O from the delighted cheering audience when he Gadget Copperfields across the stage all “Look ma, no wires!” with that hula hoop bit.
See?
This is way more interesting than a movie. You can’t artificially mimic that magical reaction that happens in real time. They dunno what to do with themselves but laugh! They’re delirious! I love it and admittedly grinned like an idiot watching this. Why? Because it’s so unimpressive to see someone doing that now, today, in 2014 that I feel guilty at first, then drawn into their legit reaction – like watching a baby who doesn’t know the pain of living yet, laugh gleefully. Then – finally – I was just nonplussed at the conclusion when I realized: “there was less than ten years between wireless and the smartphone”.
Which obviously leads to the question: what next for humanity?
Ash prediction: “kiphonesis” (iphone + kyphosis – from hunching over your mobile) will be an actual P.T. diagnosis at the very least within the next decade.
Hey, maybe that’s why people prefer the abstract conceptual Hollywood fantasy story.
Versus, ya know, the real thing.
I can understand that, I suppose. I mean, asking these questions can initiate the whole adult-existential-and-societal-crisis version of a toddler holding the neverending “why???” interrogation with you. Except the questioning takes place solely in your mind as your consciousness waterboards you into anxiety asphyxiation. I suppose the brain opiate of a screen play is far easier with its beginning, middle, and end than learning how to deal with reality on reality’s terms.
All, that said, since Danny Boyle is directing this (and Bale might be in), I’ll probably end up watching at least half of it before I get bored, distracted, and ultimately playing around on the device that wouldn’t be sitting in my lazy ass technology-induced-carpal-tunnel hands… if not for the dude the movie’s about.
“Is that aliens landing???? Did they bring my Chinese fooood?”