Why were rocks in Death Valley moving around of their own volition?
Especially when there were no human tracks, hurricanes, or tornadoes whipping through?
I didn’t even need to read the “we solved it!” story to know the truth behind this rhetorical headline. It was painfully obvious to me that there was a battle for a babe with a power going on in the Labyrinth. And that giant bipedal shih-tzu with horns and magic stone summoning powers was trying to save the day so that Jennifer Connelly could go on to make a magical junkie flick with Jared Leto.
Speaking of drugs, I wonder how many 80’s kids turned crackheads have asked their dealers “Canst thou summon rocks, sir?” I mean, if I were a dealer, that hilarious line would earn you at least one freebie for making me laugh.
Moving on.
Whether or not there was a war in David Bowie’s maze kingdom, science has done what it always does best by taking a syringe and extracting all the fun out of a story, leaving us with nothing but robotic boring reality – like the fact that the boulders are just sliding on thawed cracking layers of ice after cold conditions. And I suppose the dudes who realized this had shared my crystal ball dreams about unseen fantasy forces – because discoverers Richard and Jim Norris had a sort of bittersweet cocktail of an “aha!” moment followed by the the letdown of “Ludo didn’t do it”.
They found the playa covered with ice when they went to inspect the instruments last December. The next day, “we were sitting on a mountainside and admiring the view when a light wind kicked up and the ice started cracking,” and “suddenly, the whole process unfolded before our eyes,” he says.
“There was a side of me that was wistful because the mystery was no more,” James says.
They even recorded proof.
Wait, I don’t see any ice! This isn’t scientific proof – it’s magic capture on film!
They’re headed to the Labyrinth!
♪ Dance granite, DANCE!!!!1