Long after high school is over, I still enjoy these mathematical mind teasers I see on the net.

Sometimes I get it wrong, get sheepish about it, and have to look up the answer. In case you’re like me and have “Durrrr” moments over ridiculously easy ones like these:

Facepalm when I *and* my smartest friends answer it incorrectly in the comment section...
Facepalm when I *and* some of my smart friends get it wrong…

So… for funsies… here’s the rundown. I mean, who knows, maybe you’re one of my friends continuing their education later on and having to take over some silly math courses, or perhaps you’ve got some kids of your own now and you simply cannot remember how the hell you managed to recall “order of operations” back in Freshman year during fifth period (especially since you were in a food coma from the greasy pizza they served at lunch), so now you’re totally embarrassed that you can’t help tutor your not-so-tot sized kid anymore. Or maybe you just Googled for the answer like I did, and my page popped up.

Lucky me.

Okay. So here were go. Firstly, I’d like to change, “Please Excuse My Dear Aunt -” Blah, blah, blah. First, that’s boring. Second, since everyone keeps getting the rules wrong anyway, I figure it’s not working. That said, I made up a new one for you that I find more relevant – especially for teachers. It goes:

“Please Educate My Dumb Ass Students”.

Like it? What’s that? Too mean, you say? Fine. Fine. I’ll tone it down:

“Please Educate My Daft Arithmetic Students”

There we go. Still mean, but less vulgar and more fitting…. I guess. Google shows that no one else has come up with it yet as a Mnemonic device, so I’m sticking my creative ownership flag in it, and claiming it as my original own. Okay, now that I’m done breaking my shoulder patting myself on the back, let’s get down to business and break down the steps:

PEMDAS

Yeah… That part’s easy. Next!

pemdas2.2

No exponents today. BUT, when there are, remember to treat them like one of those Asian comic books and do them from right to left. Neeeext!

PEMDASADDORSUB

Wait?! What? Do I multiply the three times the…? Or the six with the…? And then…? Or… Wait, what? Who? Where am I? Is this real life? Shh..shhh.shhh…. Ashley’s here. It’s okay. Calm down. Use for your motivation to learn these basic math skills the fact that girls find smart geeky guys super sexy nowadays. And you know what else girls like? Multiple O’s…

…That is – as in Order Of Operations.

pemdasfinal

Specifically, here, I mean to work it out from left to right when you get to the multiplication, division, adding, or subtracting parts. Just because the MD and AS parts of PEMDAS go in that order, doesn’t mean the “times” or “divide” sign always will. So remember “left to right”, just like a clock.

And speaking of clocks, here’s Batman clocking Robin… in the face. That’s right; I’ll let your favorite superhero and his bitchslapped sidekick give you your final answer in German, via an Ashley Original meme.:

batmanrobinashley

Get it?! Get it!?! “Nein” means “No” in German, and…and… and.. in English, it also sounds like the number ni-

Oh gawd. I’m explaining my own jokes again… *sigh* I have GOT to stop doing that…. Anyway, look at that Batman! Playing the Riddler today… Dealing out justice, bitchslaps, and phonetic double meaning math solutions, like a boss.

*End scene with tweaked superhero song*

♪♫Bat-math! Nine-nine-nine-nine-nine-nine-nine-nine- BAT-MATH!!!!!!♪♫

xoxo
<3~A