Do you think this is sexist?
When this advertisement from protein world popped up on a subway wall, posing the inquiry “Are you beach body ready?” (next to a model I assume was so photoshopped that they finally gave up on the blur tool altogether and finally just rendered her in an Inkwell Instagram filter before plopping her against a lemon background), the butthurt was strong.
Especially in the feminist community.
Also: before we go “there” about the vagina gestapo, I’m not knocking feminists, either. For all I know, by the Webster definition, I may be one. But I don’t willingly identify with labels I haven’t created myself (usually a portmanteau of sorts – like “sarcastibitch”, an obvi one; “slutstinent”, for the years I dressed like a slut but retained groin cobwebs; “fauxcial”, for when I’m faking being social only so I don’t have to hear “Are you alright?”).
That cleared up, let’s move on to the question at hand here.
I was once told feminism was about having a vagina and wanting to be in charge of it. Okay, yeah. That’s alright. I’m on board with owning my own beav. Just like I’d like you to own your own chorizo and its spherical suspended accessories, gents (“Thaaaanks, Ash.”). But, like, why are we inviting the stupid advertising industry’s rhetorical question to sell a product into that? That’s not relevant. I mean, the ad’s shit – don’t get me wrong. First, it’s unoriginal. This is literally the same thing I’ve been witnessing since my mom confiscated my first borrowed issue of Seventeen magazine for asking other rhetorical (but more slutty) questions on the cover. Those mags are 99% these kindsa ads. And the second reason it’s loathe-able is ‘cause it’s the same formula you always see: 1.) Generate a nonexistent need from deep in the recesses of your psyche. 2.) Provide the solution. 3.) Put a price tag on the solution. “Are you as hot as this mythical monochrome woman? No? Well then you’re not fit for the beach! What are we going to do about that? Why, are you in luck! We just happen to have a capsule at the ready!”
This would be a good point to pause, reflect, and acknowledge that – okay – the subway model is that hot IRL:
Yet, I stand by my point.
’cause photoshopped or not, this lovely specimen is a unicorn we can’t all expect to be.
Do you think Protein World’s gonna give you those cheekbones? Those boobs? That billowy golden hair?
Spoiler alert here is a whopping NOPE level: wolf spider.
But ya know what? I’d feel just as bad if it were the same question on a poster featuring a goliath sized doppelganger of the last dude I forked (who could chew, swallow, and digest ammunition before shooting it out of his face like an M16), directed at the poor Jay Baruchel looking men who meandered by shamefully. And often – they do. Men just don’t whine about it. They either are logical enough to rise above it and see it for the shit it is, or else they stoically give into attempting to become the Platonic hypothetical Hercules painted before them. On a biological, obvious level, yes we’re different – men and women. Yes, we’re living in a patriarchy. Duh. But when it comes to the advertising industry, our genital ornamentation is an imaginary difference – or at the very least, irrelevant. All that narrow focus on feminism does is distract us into arguing with people about our nether clams’ collective rights and never pointing the finger at where it belongs. Or instead of doing what we should – like redirecting the focus to remind the more impressionable generation that it’s pure, unmitigated bullshit to be ignored while cultivating their inner wisdom in lieu. Ya know, like my mom probably meant to say when she snatched up my beauty mag and sneered, “This is SMUT, you little slut!” (the silver lining being that I clearly got a lot of my poetic prowess from these compassionate exchanges).
All in all, I have exactly one thing left to suggest:
Let’s do this in a Subway sammich shop – instead’a train station.
The plus? I feel like if we swap the model and keep the question, people will slim down a helluva lot quicker.
No products needed.
