Why is it that when we’re consumed with animal adoration, we say, “I WANNA EAT IT!”…?

Actually, I’ve never said this, but I get it. My personal reaction is to emit a high pitched squeal as the muscles of my body enter a collective spasm not unlike the final stages of tetanus infection.

Although it’s been a million years since I read Mice and Men, I was recently reminded of the mentally challenged character who (in his simultaneous excitement and unrelated fear) crushes animals to death. Same thing happened with a side character in Child of God. Even some of my favorite people admit there’s a “fine line” between stroking and strangling furry felines.

"Sentimentality's also called the 'unearned emotion'..."
“Sentimentality’s also called the ‘unearned emotion’…”

It’s true. Some people are just more honest about it.

Plus, humanity’s horrible truths are more easily delivered if you’re hilarious.

But unless you’re Albert Fish, Dahmer, or the Gingerbread Witch, you likely aren’t actually thinking about how to sauté an entrée of terrier or toddler. For the handicapped, there’s good reason. For us folk without any excuse – plebeians and public figures alike – why the supercharged sentimentality morphing into vice grip aggression?

One study pulled a bunch of people, sat them in front of a screen, gave them some bubble wrap, and let a slide show rip – ranging from adorable animal imagery to ones whose cuteness was “meh”-nimal.

As you might have predicted, the baby animals with fluffy butts elicited an orchestral cacophony of explosive plastic popping, while the shittier animals (with their dirty ass fur, scowls, giant teeth, and bad attitudes) got crickets, tumbleweeds, yawns, and a few glances at wrists that didn’t even have watches on them.

Although no concrete conclusion has been drawn (can there ever be, in the ever-changing sci-field?), many scientists believe it’s to do with our human proclivity to nurture and dote on the helpless. We could go so far as to say that’s why some guys like the younger less-wordly (and not yet jaded) chicks (cute aggression and sex aggression?)

But that’s another write-up for another day when I haven’t posted these furry victims of your shrieking and screen squeezing.

Aww:
cutepuppy

Aww:

cuteowls

Aww:

cutekoala

Awww:
littlegirldog

“One’a these things is not like the others…”