I wasn’t always geekcited about sciency stuff.
Had I heard you talk about the moon’s dark side back in high school, I probably would have thought you meant the Pink Floyd album. Now that I’m older, I obviously know better and fully understand that’s its cruel secret side that comes home and kicks the cat before beating the children. But what that very insightful information still doesn’t answer is why the side we see is all spotty and the other side is less beat up and thicker.
The latest theory goes thusly:
Once upon a (soon after the beginning of actual) time, a random planet got drunk and crashed into part of beta earth. Pieces of earth lopped off, and became our lunar pal. Like most romances, things started off fiery – but they were far more fiery on the sides facing eachother. As our new sidekick cooled down, his backside cooled faster and thus thicker than his mug facing us – hence the man-face.
You know – the moon’s alter-ego backstory is super cool. But being anthropocentric as I am, I had to pause as I read this story because I couldn’t get over the concept that part of our earth is missing from a kajillion years ago when we got pool balled. What if the chunk that got taken out were still around? What continent would there be now? How would it look? Who would be living there?
Oh, right. It wouldn’t matter. Because our climate would be cray-cray without a moon to govern that shiz – and if it hadn’t careened into us, we couldn’t Facebook our long-term binary relache with it
(“…and that, children, is how the story of Eden’s just a mixed up metaphor. It was I who gave that bastard my rib. He’s born of me. Mother earth, motherfkcer. Duh.”
#tbt #oedipuscomplex)
We’d be wobbling all around over time without our boulder buddy. I suppose that in a world where it’s arctic one day and scorching the next – the plants and animals wouldn’t survive too well. How long would it take before we all starve to death because our dinner did too – before it could reach our plates?
(Hey, it’s end times. Survival of the fittest, motherfluffer.)
Moral of the story: don’t worry too much about the side of the moon Saint Jesus didn’t show you.
Just be glad the whole thing’s there today as you enjoy a regulated climate and lay in a binge coma following a feast of once living things.