♫ Do you wanna build a Saudi Arabian snowman?

Hmmm… Maybe another inquisitive Disney quote can help you answer this:

Sure. Yes. Let’s build one. Right before we go to prison. And hell. ‘cause if you’re a Saudi Arabian frolicking in the fluffy white stuff they’re experiencing, then those are the repercussions for your ephemeral levity. As prominent cleric Sheikh Mohammed Saleh al-Munajjid says, the reason is that it goes against Islam. I’m admittedly very ignorant on Islam. In fact, I had to look up to see if there was even a hell – there is! And according to an exact, I-totally-didn’t-tamper-with-it-especially-the-last-bit Wikipedia quote: it’s reserved for non-believers, disobeyers, and Americans. Oh, and people who build snowmen.

Technically that’d fall into “disobeyers”, though, I suppose.

Because, as the good Sheikh states, Islamic religious edict strictly states that people are meant to avoid constructing anything resembling anything that could have a soul. That includes anything that has a face – from the traditional three-tiered-spheres of packed mannequin flakes to snow camels. What can they make? Says Sheikhy McGee:

“God has given people space to make whatever they want which does not have a soul, including trees, ships, fruits, buildings and so on.”

Oh, and scarecrows. Somebody along the way decided scarecrows get the green light because you starve without your crops and a giant replica of a human, presumably made of straw, was added to the asylum from sin list so they’d have some sustenance. So, scare-snows are okay. Just don’t give it a face. “The model,” he says, “should be like the scarecrow with no features sculpted into the face that is used by farmers to scare away birds.” I like when people remind you of the purpose behind why they tweaked god’s mandates. Something about it kinda feels like when you’re getting a backhanded apology (“I’m sorry… that I tried to help you.”).

I’m being a little sarcastic here – or snide – or something (it’s what I do.) But I will say that at least in Islam (from what I’m seeing, at least) they try to make a concession based on a loophole – like a dad giving into his playful children’s demands, “Okaaaay, you can make a snowma-… a snow crow – IF you fcck its face up to the point of unrecognizability. And don’t call it a face. Whatdya mean what’s your motivation? Just…like… make it look like if Bjork had actually opened that acid bomb from that one crazed fan.”

Contrarily, had I stayed in the cult of Catholicism, it’d be one’a those “Cuz I SAID so” dads. Like a cruel stepdad. I’d still be listening to some dude with a towering hat, regal robes, and a pine cone scepter whose allowed to say, “I have the keys to heaven!” (as if he’s charged with watching Jesus’s house and babysitting his disciples while he’s on holiday). “Oh, and wouldn’t you know! HE just texted me and he wants me to let you know… on Thursday… we all will be wearing pink now. That’s the new rule. And no, Judas, the blood stains from backstabbing do NOT count.” They can rule revise whenever you want and because of words like “infallible”, you just have to play along. That means if Pope Regina showed up breaking her own Thursday code, she could technically just change it on the spot and sit the eff down. So, at least a snowy scarecrow loophole is because the “idol” isn’t really an idol – but something based on function:

(Scaring away crows.)

Also – as I said, I’m ignorant on Islam – I looked up this overall rule about statues. And it has to do with something called “Aniconism” (anti + icon). You build a thing that looks sentient, and I suppose the idea is that the potential is to idolize it – or give it any extra attention that distracts you from god.


It’s a slippery slope – on a sled, presumably – from morning joe with Olaf to Jahannam

Sure, it seems silly to me – as a first experienced-based reaction. But that’s only because I grew up in a corrupt faith. One that shames its masses to control them and either cuts out or ignores all the good and true bits from its best selling textbook when it’s finger wagging at me. I’ve never felt less spiritual than those years I spent in a pew. But it’s also because the other religions I’ve seen have scary extremists – just like mine – but more emphasized by the media. So that stuck for a while, too. Thus, I stopped trusting religion altogether because the message was skewed by the instructor.

And “god” went with it – because weren’t god and religion synonymous?

I’d come to learn they’re not.

That real “godliness” is just goodliness – figuring out how to do and be that, and meeting the (often painfully difficult) task halfway. But for some people – they like to adhere to an organization with rules in order to live a good life and do the right thing; they just happen to have a different mapquest route leading to paradise than the one’s I’ve seen or what I’ve found (finally) that works for me. In this particular nation’s case, a religion called Islam is what works for them. For those who practice it right, it makes them civil and peaceful. And if erecting ice creatures interrupts that interpersonal peace the few rare times they see that much snow in Saudi Arabia, then it ain’t none of my bizz if it’s 86’d from their list of Winter X games. Keep on keeping on. Still, it is always fun to hear something from the less well intentioned members of the faith. The ones who wanna throw shade snowballs our way. Like this one quote a supporter said on Reuters:

“It [building snowmen] is imitating the infidels, it promotes lustiness and eroticism.”

Wait, do you mean… us? That just hurts me. Right where a heart would go – if I wasn’t an infidel.

But, as part of my spiritual path, I try to see where people are coming from. So, let me ask which of these are okay.

Is this okay?


(I’m led to believe there’s a brain in these – but definitely not a soul.)

How about this?


(Fair question – one has no face and the other’s is occupied)

And, hey look! Here’s the Catholic one!

Mmmyes. Ain’t no party like a snowrgy.

Afterthoughts:

You know, something just occurred to me: “Heathen” (which just means someone who doesn’t belong to a popular religion – however derogatory the intention of the term may be) would sound nearly identical to “heaven”… if you pronounced ‘em both with a soft “E”. And yet again, my pagan god does it. Keeps sending me more illuminating right-way signs like navigational lights on a landing strip to paradise.

Wait. That is paradise ahead… right?