Miss Ashley Pants

“I got it from mah mama…”

Whether we’re talking about double D’s with a side of sumptuous rump or a femme Mario ‘stache paired with pustulent bacne – most people mean to reference “genetic inheritance” upon uttering this phrase. And for a long time, science has indeed shown evidence that we’re genetically indentured servants, so why bother working beyond that?

But, yet again, science has to say “Maybe not…”

With the relatively new realm of “epigenetics”, we’re suddenly learning that we have to take responsibility for things we can change – if not for ourselves, then for our kids. And it transcends the mere adage of leading by example, because we can literally alter our genetic expression and pass that down the line. Now, that doesn’t mean you won’t still need Dr. 90210 if you hate your honker. Rather, the idea is that “inherited obesity”, similar maladies, and potential solutions for them… have had to be reevaluated.

This isn’t to say things like the “obesity gene” don’t exist, either.

What it means is that said gene itself doesn’t make you fat (although it makes anything that’d make ya less fat seem inconceivably uncomfortable). This gene’s often called the “lazy gene” because exercising and exercising willpower alike seem like insanely awful options.

However (and this part’s hard to hear) expression of genes like these can be modified in their expression over a lifetime. And that’s important ’cause what we change or keep the same could get passed on as highly expressed fat genes.

For example, a group of 20 obese chicks all took part in a study for pooping out kids before and after getting gastric bypass surgery. The group shed and kept off about 100 lbs. What was observed time and again was that the children born before bypass expressed the “obesity genes”, while those born after had those genes methylated (unexpressed) – about 5,698 of the obesity genes, to be exact. Keep in mind, these genes control shit like metabolism, heart health, and so on. Compared to their older siblings, their blood pressure and insulin levels were also better

Concession time:

Despite my desire to see the world in definable black n’ white, I find a good game of devil’s advocate helps keep all’a us living here in reality. Let’s remember the women did have viscera-chop surgery. Their diets probably changed (whether you buy new tits or tummies, you don’t want to fkk up your investment), and so the diet of the kids changed too (they’re gonna eat what their parents do). So, that latter analysis was more “nurture”, while the gene expression was more “nature”. That said, the results still add up; 6,000-ish altered genes’re still pretty solid evidence for epigenetics. Moving on.

So, what makes something like the obesity gene more likely to express in offspring?

Bad habits, obviously – smoking, overeating, sleepless nights…. Pretty much, all four years you spent in college were experimental investments in inherited corpulence and overall crappiness for your kids.

In fact, those sleepless nights were part of an epigenetic test also. People who slept shitty for just one week displayed changes in expression of over 700 genes.

The overall idea is explained in the metaphor of our genes being like a computer and the epigenetics being like the software that gets put on it. If you watch too much internet porn, it gets a virus.

So, while the obesity gene is definitely still there, it can be modified in its expression – over time – by changing our habits. I’ve known men and women who were sure a gastric bypass was the “only way” but couldn’t swing the funds. All it took for them was the right inspo, and suddenly my Facebook feeds were full of their sexy and smiling new physiques. What’s more, they looked radiant with that glow of self-affirmation that follows nothing less than a job well done and hard won.

And even if our Minnie-me’s get nada on the DNA mods, the “nurture” side is still where most of the focus should be, and that idea of working to earn shit’s far better example-setting. If, ya know, you don’t want an entitled princess or prick for a kid.

Because “Do as I say, not as I do” still totally fails – whether they’ve congenitally acquired a massive ass – or full on Ironman EpicGenetics.