When I decided to switch from my liberal arts major to a biology one in college, I had my doubts.
It felt so permanent – like such a final departure from what I was good at, that I thought mayhaps my artistic passions would wither away and die altogether. Would moving into my left brain, thinking logically, and problem-solving based on facts and numbers somehow stymie my creativity? It was a valid question to ask myself – just as any self-doubt is upon entering uncharted territory. But the answer was ultimately a resounding “No”. In fact, if anything, my art became better in the same way you love your significant other a bit better after a bit o’ distance and reuniting (“Absence makes the heart grow fonder” and all that). Because, suddenly, I was taking time out and away from it – and thinking in a different way for most of the day. Then, later, when I had (or made, rather) some free time, I would retreat into writing or drawing as a means of purging. Suddenly, being creative became a sanctuary rather than a chore.
And now that I’m actually in a creative field, I’m experiencing “grass is greener syndrome”.
Not in a negative way – mind you – but in a “I wanna straddle both pastures” way. I adore working creatively, but I admittedly miss the profession (physical therapy) that required that biology background. My biggest gripe at the time was that I was physically limited and couldn’t go as far as I wanted to. Now that I can, I’m faced with the conundrum of it being six years later – and wondering still if I’ll be able to balance science and creativity, should I go back to school and train to get a PTA degree. Especially since I’m still rehabilitating my back. Will I have time for everything? Will the stress kill my imagination?
I don’t know for sure, but what I do know is that working in healthcare and using what I’d learned in college was fulfilling. It felt good to be doing something where I was needed. Being thanked. Being appreciated. Being accountable. Feeling relevant. It may not have been prize worthy work, but the praise of validation was enough. And speaking of prizes – for some reason, this cascade of musings I’ve just shared was actually a thought-vomit product of what came over me today when I saw this Nobel Prize winning woman who showed up for the awards in a dress representing her discovery.
I always love seeing other people who are able to invite their right and left brain geniuses to the same party. But what struck me about this chick, was what happened when my thought-train of self-doubt finally reached its destination. All those questions culminated in one final one: if she – a neuroscientist who’s kept busy enough to earn a coveted and highly sought after award – can remain this creative, then why can’t I?
It’d be inspiring if I could end this little musing on that note – but I just read that she didn’t design her duds herself. Bummer. Guess that means I’ll just have to be one of those elite special few – a Jill of all trades, and Nobel Prize winner of none. Well, at least “none” until I can build a time machine and go back and have Marie Curie do the same thing May Britt Moser just fashionably did to receive her award.
Yes, I made her look a bit like Edward Norton with an upsweep. #noregrets
(And probably have killed everyone from now in the process so I can’t rub it in your faces when I get back.)
*Sigh*
You solve one problem and another just pops up.