Miss Ashley Pants

Don’t you just adore those hipster snobs who sit back in their fedoras and scoff at you for not knowing the difference between a “movie” and a “film”?

Like they’re so French New Wave… whatever that means.

Yeah – no – I get that. I mean, I used to eyeroll at the same thing – until I saw my first few “films” at the end of high school/start of college. I realized, “Oh, okay. I get it. Something artsy is happening here. They’re trying to say something…. but without spelling it out. I have to pay attention to what t- oh f*ck! Now I missed the whole scene.

Rewind.

And put on the subtitles.

And pause so I can check AOL to see if anyone left me an IM while I was away..”

Anyway, as I started watching more flicks, the difference between the two for me became this:

A “movie” is more passive and about entertaining you, whereas a “film” requires you to be more active, and is about captivation (as in, captivating all the senses a director possibly can out of an audience).

The disparity gets into some even deeper shit, though, and half the time it’s without you even realizing that you’re being played. Case in point: a typical movie might make you wish your life was more like the protagonist’s. As you shove the theatre food you couldn’t afford down your face, you’re internally thinking:

“Why can’t I find a loft like that in New York?” or “This asshole excuse for a boyfriend sitting next to me would never do that shit for me. Now I’m mad at him”, or “Goddamit… I wouldn’t be as thin as that bitch or have an ass that tight if I spent the rest of the month doing squats in a weighted space suit. FML!!!1”.

Then (on the other hand), there’s the “film”. It allows you to perceive the reality of actual life in a more – I dunno – appreciative, accepting, or relatable manner. A director uses camera angles, a good soundtrack (or original score), and the raw power of the actors silently emoting to let you feel or figure it out for yourself – instead of spelling it out with obvious dialogue, voice-over narrating, or (god forbid) breaking the fourth wall.

With a few rare exceptions (usually comedies), those last two are just lazy douche-dom at its best.

So, anyway, for a couple hours, you get to go all “Being John Malkovich” style through the protagonist’s portal and identify with them instead of feeling like there’s this gap between you and the character.

Their problems become like your problems, and long after the film is over and the score or dialogue replays in your auditory memory, the film starts to act like an infinite art loop; you want to revisit it again and again. What’s more, the ultimate takeaway message actually matters to you. Why? Because you had to do some actual brain-work to even “get it”, which makes you feel like you’re a part of it. And you are. Film forces you to interact to figure out symbolism and shit – versus reclining back with your hands behind your head like you’re about to get a blowie and lazily laughing or awwww-ing at a few predictable zingy one-liners your typical commercial movie offers.

So try not to be dismissive by passing off all “films” as being the product of pretentious prick wannabes. (Although sometimes they totally are, and then… touché… you’ve got me there). But give film a chance and listen with all your senses. I’d suggest starting with maybe “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” (debatable as straddling both “movie” and “film” only because it was so universally appealing despite its strangeness), and then working your way up to something like “Upstream Color”.

That being said, I still sometimes enjoy a good mental masturbatory no-brainer fluff flick as much as the next chick – and you should too.

Just remember to take it like you do your margaritas – with a grain of salt, occasionally, and as a brief escape from reality.

xoxo

<3~A