When I was little, Lionel Richie’s “Hello” video always got to me.

She’s blind, he’s a stalker, and neither of them seem to understand basic phone ettiquette – like don’t hang up on someone you’ve just asked a question to before hearing the reply. Like a lot of idiot I know, they’re devoid of rationality although they both seem sorta sweet. But wouldn’t it be cool if we could combine both spock-level super logic with that same human emotion?

Well that’s what this Princess Leia-meets-geisha looking thing does:

pepper

When Softbank built Pepper, they “peppered” her with the capacity to detect human emotions. Using what’s called an “emotional engine”, the robot is able to better interact with humans by reading and processing info – like our gestures, facial expressions, and tone of voice.

Some people are already sci-fi future-tripping over whether this is the beginning of an iRobot, Planet of the Apes, or Hal from Space Odyssey style apocalypse. What if version 4-point-awesome has a glitch and malfunctions while entrusted with the elderly? Or while cradling your infant? What if it gains consciousness and self awareness and realizes it’s just a slave? (“Don’t worry, darling. As it stands right now, all of us kinda are. Now, keep rubbing my traps.”)

Or is the bigger issue that sense reading machines catering to our emotional needs will just drive us further into our egos? I mean, how easy would it be for me to build up an insular army of metal yes-men to validate my reality denial? (“Do I look fat in this skinsuit stitched from McDonald’s patrons? It will hurt my feelings terribly if you say yes, Pepper…”)

On the flipside, perhaps Pepper could teach lessons to the desenstized on how to act less like an effing sociopath. I know at least five humans who are absolutely shitty at processing social cues. And by five I mean twelve.

So she’d be good for that.

But… is it bad that I’m already imagining this poor thing jumping off a roof when its Japanese Gepetto owner shames it for not getting into college?

famdoct

Meanwhile, back here in Wasteland, USA… I can’t wait to get mine so it can perform surgeries on me from the comfort of my own home in between reading me bedtime stories, making sorbet from its internal refrigerator chamber I’ll have implanted, and telling me I’m pretty every night (without me having to ask) while petting my head and making shadow puppets on my wall.

Hello. Yes. You’re definitely the droid I’m looking for.