Whether you’re Chuck Norris or a truculent horse, legs can make for great weapons.

horsekick

And this chick on a flight bound for Edinburg (that’s in England) this week, apparently would agree with me. The lady who had a faux limb also enjoyed one too many spirits while airborne and thusly entered an altered state of consciousness in which assaulting her fellow plane mates and friendly sky stewards suddenly seemed like an appropriate course of action. The story would probably be far more terrifying and less lulzy had she not unbuckled her extremity in order to wield it at aforementioned attendants and passengers.

And now, we pause for a song:

“You put your right leg down…
And take your left leg off…
You take a flight Brit-bound
And then you drink a bunch of scotch
You do the gam samurai…
Till they turn the plane around.
And that’s what it’s all a gout.”

Don’t judge. You know you’ve done weird ish with your accessories before, too.

nanawig

John Smith (who sounds like a person who either doesn’t exist or used a pseudonym in case she comes after him to exact revenge with her appendage hammer) described his observations during this eventful journey that ended up diverting to somewhere else in England: “She was shouting ‘I want cigarettes’ and that she wanted a parachute to jump off the plane. She slapped a young girl and then assaulted the cabin crew with her prosthetic leg.”

For serious, I dunno if she actually had some gout-like disease or gangrene or whatever that made her lose her leggy, but I feel badly for this bish. Limb loss is like thing number one or two on my “just kill me if” list. So I can appreciate – although mayhaps not sympathize – with why someone would go batshiz if a calf of plastic were suddenly a new thing they had to deal with. ‘cause I’d definitely go full on douche-bag and spread misery like an Oprah giveaway if that were my prosthetic cross to bear.

But if I have to choose, I’m going with Rose’s grindhouse gam.

And her boobs.

That way if T&A don’t get me through TSA, then the bit below ’em sure will.

grindhouse