I found out this week that Kurt Cobain lied to me.

fish

On a post I recently saw, apparently science has shown that delicious fish can indeed feel pain. Dude, I wonder if he realized this and that’s why he went to go live in the woods for a week before throwing the deuce up at the world in his greenhouse? Mayhaps – but I imagine the heroin and his own human feels he was using it for in the first place had a small role in that decision, too.

Among the fish feels I learned about – one they share with us people is: laziness. Ah, halibut after my own heart. Indeed, halibut’s among the lethargic sea farers. Also – in a special edition of fish racism (fish-scrimination?) – science says there’s a correlation between their color and torpor level. The colorless, pale, light ones (like the Halibut) tend to loiter at the ocean’s basement, while their brighter buddies like tuna tend to be more active.

It doesn’t always hold true – some of them (salmon, for example) have that nature meets nurture thing going on. They simply eat something else (krill) that eats colorful algae, and they too turn that Jersey Shore shade… provided they have the right gene to activate carotenoid coloring.

If I’m being honest – of all the meat I miss the most – my colorful finned friends at the local Sakura pull at my carnivorous nostalgia strings the most. However, after learning about some of the diseases they catch from pollution and that a lot of fish-importers actually treat their shiz with unnatural stuff to make them look like raw flesh candy (when they’re actually half rotten), I return to reality a bit. In fact, some manufacturers have even used carbon monoxide to redden grey decaying meat.

While I miss ’em, even now I get nauseated thinking of a cube of creature sitting on its wooden morgue slab with a side of wasabi, and wondering how much putrefaction they had to cut around before giving it to me. I think the rule will be – if I ever decide to eat sentient things that had to die en route to my dinner plate, I’ll go hunter-Zuck-2011-edition style and kill it myself – or reel it in this case. Per Huffpost:

“I think many people forget that a living being has to die for you to eat meat, so my goal revolves around not letting myself forget that and being thankful for what I have,” Zuck wrote in an email to Fortune soon after making his meat challenge for himself. In the end, Zuckerberg ended up consuming far more vegetables.

But whatever I do, it’ll hafta come second to this amazing bedtime story I’m about to write:

redfish