Seriously.
A few youtube videos of Fido acting the fool can turn my whole week around.
It’s hard not to think of them as furry quadraped people some days. And thanks to the internet, this belief has been reinforced for me. In my top three videos for this week (which is close enough to being over than I can award winners now), there’s the hound head-tilt, noise-cessation reaction, and culpable cats and canines. The responses they give are so motherfluffing delightful for the same reason “Kids Say The Darndest Things” is. It’s authentic because they’ve no real sense of self-awareness. But if you know me – you also know I can’t just enjoy a good thing without scientifically dismantling it until it’s no longer fun for anyone. And I don’t want to disappoint anyone – so let’s begin, shall we?
“Errr?”
The dog-noggin-cocking is an age old fave.
But why do they do this? Do they realize it can melt grinch hearts? Is that why?
Only in part. Like a lot of our inter-species relache stuff, some of it’s built in and some of it’s reinforced. As you may’ve guessed, this has everything to do with tone and nada to do with sexy words like “ride” or “walk” (otherwise they’re equally excited to just go lay in bed – pets after my own heart).
Inflection changes make a dog twist his head around to hear you better. Because their ears have flaps, sometimes it helps the sound get to them better. They can determine the location and time it took for the noise to reach their ear organs. But poor pugs have shitty sensory receptor placement, so they basically have to rock the owl head twist to “get” what’s going on in the world around them. Likewise, long snouted dogs have it hard too. If you try making a fist over your nose and attempting to see clearly – that’s what these snuffleupagii hafta work with when processing your mug. Also, it’s believed they’re trying to both use their middle ear muscles to interpret facial expressions and let us know “Mmmyes. I’m listening. Go on…” Much like a professor might see a student do in a class when they protract their heads and maybe squint or brow-furrow.
Either way, we think it’s cute – so the behavior gets rewarded with smiles, rubs, and pleasing tones. Thus, our confused companions repeat it again in the future. After all, if we’re happy – treats and head rubs might result. Next!
“Play it again, Sam.”
This one is like canned rainbows.
Not unlike the one I saw with the seals bopping away to disco music, this guy seems to be enjoying his guardian’s song until it abruptly stops. These impromptu musical intermissions induce visibly marked disapproval – but why? Well, all animals (including us) appear sort of jarred when there’s a sudden cessation of sound. The reason? “Freezing” in animals seems to indicate imminent danger. Since most animals out in nature don’t have irrational fear like you or I might – when one freezes up, the others do too. Presumably to prep for fight or flight. Apparently the acoustic guitar hero’s pet did indeed flee – but only when he started singing along. (“No danger here – except to my ears…”)
“Caught red-pawed”
I’m not big on cats as pets, but as a lover of all (if they don’t have eight legs. Or bite. Or both) creatures, I thoroughly enjoyed this dose of cat shame. I dunno what the drawer burglar was trying to steal (although I like to imagine it’s a tutu that belongs to an owner who looks like Marlon Brando – the late years) but the slow-close was epic.
Still, part of me wondered – was the door shutting intentional? (“This is all a dream… you didn’t see me…”) As fun as anthropomorphizing pets is, I tend to think he stopped outta guilt but the drawer just pushed in as he used it for leverage to descend gently to the floor while gauging the situation (hard to tell how angry the owner is when his face’s partially blocked by a phone).
Besides, no one can ever beat Denver the guilty dog.
When I first saw Denver, I thought he was getting defensive. (I had a Doberman once who would bare teeth if you got anywhere near his cage). But I learned recently that with dogs, you can tell the difference between the snarl and the submissive grin because in the latter, his head lowers, his eyes kinda squint, and he doesn’t wrinkle his snout or push it forward. In the former, the “smile” is more like rigid grimace, and the lips actually pull back a bit in tension.
So there’s your lessons for today. Head cock is an interactive stimulus assessment, sound pauses signify possible danger, and guilty grin lips go up as the head goes low – versus snarly grin lips which go back as the head protracts.
But… seeing as I have the best, most obedient dog in the world who never misbehaves and thus has no need for shame, both of these things were foreign concepts to me.
“What? You said you wanted to quit carbs.” #nogrets