As a non-creature eater, I often anthropomorphize my plant food.
Ya know, for the sake of murdering or defiling it in my mind.
You may’ve seen some examples of this here at the Ashley Pants party house. There were the bananas held hostage in my hostel while listening to each other slowly die. The Durian queen – wooed, defiled, and discarded. Even my dog has cooperated in a snuff film or two starring snack foods. She was all too eager to help. So, my curriculum vitae vittle bullet points on catering to the culinary murder of things that were never alive stand strong as they are. Thus, when I say I still feel like my game is missing something, some might say that’s impossible.
No, literally.
“Impossible Foods” (actual company name) may just have my answer.
With veggie burgers… that bleed.
They’re even taking it a step further and trying to make the patty fakes taste more like genuine meat (although right now it’s reportedly just falling short and tasting like a turkey burger). I’d try it, but: I personally don’t miss meat enough to reserve a space for it in my gullet, meat mimicry (like tofu dogs or whatever) leaves me unsatiated, and I can totes tell the difference. Plus, I didn’t quit cow to eat its fake doppelganger. Espesh when it’s made out of the same things from the produce aisle that I can just buy and actually taste. Maybe it’s also that I like stuff that’s juicy cuzza the water in it, not blood or sauces that have to be added on.
Even so, I’m third-party curious about who’d be taste trolled by this.
I wonder how many ominivores I know who avidly cater to the animal nomming part of their diet would recognize the diff. I’d say this would be an excellent prank to play on someone who’s obsessed with eating bits of cows. Sneak this in on them as a blind experiment and see if they notice. But, the more I think of it, I realize that my die hard meat eaters (who allot a certain section of their budget for all-you-can-eat-carass excursions once a month), they wouldn’t be amused. Probably about as amused as I would be if they snuck pieces of something that once had a face into my meal. Which all the meat eaters I know would definitely do to me as a revenge act.
So, I’ll leave that one alone.
For now.
But, ya know, one of you guys do it. And then report their reaction back to me.