A University of Pittsburgh study done recently is aiming to show evidence that eye color affects our health. According to their work, some of us kick life’s ass better ’cause of our eye color.
For example, caucasian ladies with light shaded peepers tolerated pain and distress better – including the anxiety before, during, and after birth. One lecturer commented on the study, saying:
‘What we know now is that eye colour is based on 12 to 13 individual variations in people’s genes. These genes do other things in the body. One of them, NCX-4, which is linked to darker eyes, controls many proteins, of which one has recently been linked to pain.”
Can you see my rolling my sub-human cess-colored eyes?
But, wait! There’s more… When they tested 12,000 men and women at Georgia State University, they saw that people with light eyes drank less alcohol than those with dark.
Come on. Gimme some news that doesn’t validate my excuse to hang a noose from the barn rafters. Oh, okay. Here it is. We might be more susceptible to tonics and such, but us brownie club members do slaughter the competish when it comes to motor skills and reaction time. Plus we take better tests and our dudes are more dominant.
Meanwhile, as you sift into middle and old age, you green-eyed monsters can look forward to such delightful afflictions as age related macular degeneration, type 1 diabetes, and hearing loss.
Wait! This doesn’t make me happy at all. My mom has green eyes.
Can’t we just blend together until we’re all one species of hazel-y flavored gazers?
Combine our forces of superhero dominant test takers with those invincible against mind-body problems?
Y’know… there was a time back in the old days when we all were brown eyed.
So maybe our light-irised brethren are simply the favorable genetic mutations that arose over time – since they’re more evolved to tolerate pain, anxiety, and the old firewater. Then again, that means you guys are super-incestuous if you fork eachother. SEE? Another reason to inter-breed.
“I call this one ‘Fifty shades of gays – I mean gaze’…
Have fun camping, LOL!”
Nah. My eyes may be brown – but you know what else is?
Dogshit.
Just like this study telling me I can’t tolerate pain, alcohol, or anxiety.
Now, where’s my cane and SSRI vodka smoothie?