You know, I’m all for these “fight climate change” events.

There’s no “but” to that. I’m just sad I can’t be a part of the ones like the international walk that happened this past Sunday in New York and a katrillion other places around the globe. And, no it’s not because the likes of Mark Ruffalo or Leonardo Dicaprio make an appearance to fight fracking and other enviro rapery, using their platform for good. No. It’s more to do with how lazy I am. Not laziness to go to the walk and participate, mind you (and in a way, that five hour drive north would just be contributing to the carbon emissions even more. Right? #logic)

Rather – I’m too lazy to move to Mars.

I like Earth. I like the blue sky and the green leaves. Basking in the sunshine and using it to immolate ants through magnifying glasses. It’s all stuff I’ve grown pretty attached to over the years. And as much as I’d like to briefly orbit the earth for funsies (so I can pretend I’m on the Ship of the Imagination and narrate to an imaginary Cosmos camera about tardigrades while the dude manning the shuttle thinks I’ve had a brain hemorrhage from ascending too quickly), it’d be only that – a brief trip. An astro holiday. Not a permanent residence, thanks.

But try as I might, I may not have a choice soon – sadly.

When I wrote that story about Max – the kid heading to Mars forever-ever – I wondered how he and others would fair in perpetual artificial light. Maybe they won’t miss the real deal. I mean somebody who studies for extraterrestrial excursions that extensively probably spent a lot of their lives in fluorescent tombs anyway wishing ardently to depart the globe because the pain of social interaction was that bad. Your pain, our profit. #thanksforthat

But I know I will.

Espesh when Stephen Hawking’s warnings that it’s pretty much “too late” come true.

My selfish hope is obv that I’ll be dead by then and reunited with the Holy Higgs Field. But in case I get reincarnated into another human body, Maven has entered Mars’ orbit this past week to rotate around and lurk out the enviro sitch for our Earthling pioneers. When I heard that news on the heels of the climate walk, I wondered (yet again) how long it’ll take us to eff up that planet too.

Meanwhile, in the comment section of the interwebz, some believe that’s already happened:

“Mars is actually our home planet but we destroyed its atmosphere millions of years ago. So we moved to the warmer but similar planet that we now call earth. However our mission to move somewhat failed. We crash landed and all the adults died and all the equipment destroyed. The only survivors were the children. And becuase they knew nothing in advanced technology or how to run an advanced society they had to survive by primitive means. Thus undoing the progress we made on mars (whether that be technological, social, economical, etc.) and destined to repeat the history that we made on mars… I would be intrested in seeing a movie like this or something lol.”

#mindblow #somuchyes

Aside from these walks and summits that will hopefully raise consciousness, I have some ideas for our future too. Ya know, in case the awareness fails to evolve for the people in power. Which it will. Probably. And that’s this: if Hawking’s right and planetary demise is water-under-the-bridge style inevitable, we should start building a literal bridge now – before Earth explodes in a cloud of methane bubbling up from Siberia’s holes and our melted ice caps. That way we can do one final mic-drop walk outta here.

One we’ll know serves a purpose:

Migrating to Mars by foot to avoid polluting the galaxy with transportation fuel.

Ya know, like I would’ve been adding to had I driven to New York’s climate walk on Sunday.

“Bring your green hat!”