Once when I was a waitress, a table left me a fifteen cent tip.
It seemed like a horribly sarcastic thing to do, but I would have never thought to punch anyone in the face over it. Plus I was a really shitty server and accidentally forgot them for half the night (oops). But, apparently, punching people in the face over bad tips is exactly what other people in similar “just doing this to get by” gigs do. Take for instance, street performer spidey – who punched a cop.
Aaaand, that’s why this happened:
But, let’s backstep for a lil context, shall we?
So, faux Peter Parker’s just doing his job, prancing around with a fake web in Times Square when a tourist takes a snappy with him and then offers him a dollar tip. Then, the thankless spidey spurns the single – telling her he only accepts fivesies and above.
Personally, I would have given his silk spinning wrist an actual high five and parted ways. That, or told him if he was really good at his job, he’d use his palm powers to prize it from me while I walk away.
But boring “inside the box” mentality homegirl did the obvious thing: stuck around and argued with him. Deputy Dangle & Co. thusly heard the ruckus and intervened, assuring her that demanding tip amounts isn’t permitted and she could give him whatever she pleased. It was at this point that the avaricious arachnid superhero first told the cop to “mind your own fcking business!” and then, ya know, punch him in the face. Just like Tobey Maguire would’ve done back in two-thousand-and-whenever-my-ex-boyfriend-dragged-me-to-see-that-abomination-in-a-theater.
Usually I’m side anti nosy po-po. But this sounds like one of those cases where they were breaking up an argument between two idiots. I hear that these fairy-story folk tend to earn a whopping $50 a day. With an income like that, can you afford to be ungrateful? Especially when you rely on likeability for tips? If I see my insect-idol suddenly getting too big for his blue spandex over a four dollar disparity, the illusion’s shattered for me and probably a few of the other people who would have paid to take a snapshot with him, too. It’s a great way to lose the business from everyone else standing around seeing you turn from epic performer to a truculent two year old having a fit in his Halloween costume.
On the other hand, this bish should’ve known better.
You don’t hang around and argue with someone who’s clearly no more than a maniac in a mask. Street performers work for tips. Tips can’t be charged – much less in specific amounts. Surely she knew this? I hope? To stick around and debate a moot matter regarding your own money (especially when you know you’re right) is just jerking off irksome feelings. Pointless. And the only climax you can get doing that is if you’re the one punching spiderman in the face for being a greedy asshole and killing the dreams of middle-aged kids marveling at the Marvel comic character they’ve adored all their lives. But she didn’t even do that.
Verdict?
People stupid enough to defend their spending to Peter Panhandler deserve to be Broadway robbed. But much like my serving days – should you get a shitty tip – take it as a literal tip:
Boost your game and be grateful you got anything.
