“Mom?”
“Yes, darling.”
“If cars run on gas… why can’t we just fart into the engine?”
“Don’t be crude, dear.”
It was a legit question, given that I was only five years old. (Give or take about twenty years.) But my point is, I always wondered why ass gas couldn’t pass for fuel – a topic that seemed to always be an issue. Even if you had no concept about gas or where we get it, as a kid you’d notice your parents joke about “driving across town to get it cheaper” (the punchline being that you waste an even amount by the time you get there) and treating a full tank like a leprechaun’s pot of gold. But has our porcelain pot held the gold all along? Was I onto something? It wouldn’t be until more recently that the British would find a way to confirm my eco-friendly dreams were possible.
With this:
(I call busshit.
Everyone – yes, even you, Grandma – would be doing excretory email seshes on their cells.)
Yep, that’s right. You’re looking at an actual, functional bus that scats its way through traffic, powered on nada but your colon’s contents. Called the GENeco, this 40 seater biomethane gas run bus just had its first run (on not only other people’s case of the runs – but also non processed food waste) this month. And how much fecal fodder does it need to go 186 miles (a full tank of gas)? Well, let’s do this exercise so you can have an appreciation: Think of your five sexiest friends. Then think of each of them – all dressed up in their makeup with silky hair and stilletos and cleavage popping club gear… And then, them pulling down their panties… And sitting down seductively…
And taking a shit.
Times like two or three. The annual collective efforts your handful of friends power a whopping 186 miles. And as gross as it may seem, it’s kinda nice to know that my childhood inquiries about a feasible solution weren’t as stupid as I was led to believe they were.
Although the three questions that remain with me might be:
1. Does a ticket on this odoriferous mierda-mobile come with a mask?
2. Should the next version make those seats toilets? So you poo instead’a pay a toll? Toll-et?
3. I know people who are more full of shit than others.
If I bring them, can I get a discount?
I expect detailed answers in the comment section by noon tomorrow.