Finally, a product worth purchasing – and from Ikea – no less.

The impossible to assemble furniture maker announced recently it’d be constructing those awesome wireless-charging nightstands and lamps you see in the hotels… for your home. I can’t effectively share how much I love this idea, and no it’s not just cuzza the name of the product they’ll be incorporating (Qi – though I do like it, ‘cause isn’t that all phones do when they charge? Meditate? Harness their chi from the current cosmos so I can subsequently suck it out of them immediately?) Right now, my phone with whom I share a love hate relache is sitting three feet out of reach to charge. And it might as well be across the street, down the road, and in the Potomac River. Because without being in arm’s reach, it’s like a Schrödinger box of glass and plastic, sat there, doing god knows what and receiving information, likes, and witty updates from god knows who. Part of me enjoys the freedom of our breaks – a chance to remember who I am. But the addict in me just wants to rewire every piece of furniture I own until they all have a mobile charging center at their centers.

Ikea will indeed come close with its night tables, desks, and even lamps.

All you hafta do is just plop it on an X inside of an O:

(Nice design. Not sure if minimalism… or laziness.)

I only have one little issue with it.

And that’s that it’s not good enough.

I mean, if I only get to have it on the stand beside my bed or work stations or lamps, what do you expect me to do when I’m on the couch binge watching season 3 of “House of Cards” like I plan to do in about 5 minutes? Or when I’m in bed? That Qi infused night table and the lamp on it are exactly one unbend of the elbow, one turn of my body, and one protraction of my shoulder away from my hand clasping my magic mirror which shows me what happens on the outside of my castle dungeon. That’s three whole moves. And a Napoleon Dynamite huff to accompany each. So, naturally, I won’t be happy till my bed, sofa, and anterior portion of my toilet seat all have a giant X stamped O that breathes life into this thing that’s turned me into an uglier version of Smeagol.

But, for now, thankfully we can all buy the plebian attachment version for $34.

Good! I’ll put it right where the replacement for my ex-lover would sleep.

If this more cost effective thing hadn’t come along first.