Somewhere along the way, those blasted Kardashians became our unwanted royal family.
And much like the actual British royal family (or what they’re wearing; or their kids; or if they’re even human – which remains a point of suspicion for me), I don’t care to be updated on them. In fact, it’s more than that. I mean, it used to be a snarky indifference. But as they’ve snowballed into this entity that’s taken on a life of its own, my sentiments have come to transcend apathy and entered a whole new realm of loathing. Not at them personally, mind you. (I don’t know the Koven on a personal level enough to say if they’re actually quite nice or, ya know, exactly how they act on the doofus cube). Rather, it’s the constant barrage of updates that’ve made me go from moderately vexed to pre-panic attack. Your social media. The email updates. Those high school girls I just walked past a couple hours ago who either did the Jenner lip challenge and failed, or really, really need to screen the applicants for their after school activities better.
But, finally, there’s now hope.
Now, they can kiss your ass as you Kar-dash into the long awaited sunset of their reign over your browser.
‘cause there’s a new block on the block – “#KardBlock”, that is.
Like a knight in shining armor, like a plane who sees my desert island S.O.S., like the barista who had my latte ready for me today before I even ordered – comes the site of our dreams. Finally, someone has found a way to take the infamous Armenians whenever they digitally appear, open a portal to hell, and banish them there forever. At long last, we can block this useless information from invading our collective consciousness. All we have to do is acknowledge their existence one last time – just long enough to sign up to sign off on the notifications surrounding this trite dynasty altogether. And then we can be rid of them forever.
Great, so where do I sign up?
And how’s it work? Well, the creators claim that “If there’s anything on your newsfeed, the website you’re on, whatever… we simply make it disappear,” going on to add: “You won’t ever know the stories about the Kardashians are there, because you won’t ever see them. Why?”
(*dramatic pause*)
“So you can see more of the real issues.”
Great. Now let’s launch a yes-and site. Mayhaps call it CeleBlock. Or even CelebrityCelibate (“for people who don’t fckk with celebrity not-news”). I dunno. I don’t care what you call it. Just make sure that it does what this Kardash one does, except with every name I never wanna see again. Has that really not been made yet? Where you just can enter every fame-label you’d like to pretend doesn’t exist and one by one, every overpaid name that’s been lobotomized into your skull successively explodes into fairy fog?
Probably not – ’cause that would legit break the net.