Ever wonder what it’d be like to have ultimate power?
Like, ya know, Kim Jong Un has?
I remember writing a thing in sixth or seventh grade called “Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely”. The idea is that when you have unchecked influence over a group’a folk, you’ll turn into a diabolical asshole. The acquisition of power part way through your life is bad enough – but I suppose then at least you could at least have those moments of clarity where you remember who you are meant to be and what purpose your meant to be serving. But when you’re born and raised to believe that you shit strawberry soft serve and create the oxygen your peons breathe, there’s nunna that. Just you. A god. A god with yes-men dressed up to look like government officials. And god help you if you were unfortunately born one of those government officials instead of the dictator dude, and you delude yourself into thinking you’re allowed to break character from your fake adoration for your overlord. ‘cause you’ll end up executed – like the Defense Minister Hyon Yong Chol recently was.
His crime?
Disagreeing with Un… and falling asleep during a couple military events.
And his method of execution?
Death by anti-aircraft fire.
Now, I dunno about you, but I found this to seem a bit excessive when I read it. But maybe that’s just because I didn’t know what it was at first. And per my vast and thorough (two second long search engine) research effort following that, I learned that it’s… well… exactly what it sounds like. They use weapons whose purpose is to take down aircrafts and that have a ridiculously high rate of fire.
To clarify: This thing below… fired at a mortal man.
Hong Hyun-ik, chief researcher at the Sejong Institute, a security think tank based in Seoul, told local broadcaster YTN that the anti-artillery gun used would have left the body utterly unrecognizable: “Because there are several guns bound together, it would be hard to find the body after firing it once. It’s really gruesome. What they did would have ripped all his flesh off, done in the manner of ‘let’s see what sort of punishment this is'”
Oh. Good. An experiment in execution…
Yeah.
Still kinda sorta seems like a Broadway spectacular version of a death penalty directed by Baz Luhrman.
(I wonder if he had it done in an arena – with those singing guitar kids present for the entertainment?)
I mean, really , wouldn’t a simple lynching or firing squad do? Do you have to break out the rapid-fire weapon meant to dispatch a winged machine made of metal? It didn’t make sense to me until I recalled this “Time” article I read a few months ago on Stalin’s douchery during what was also a reign of terror. His fave catchphrase about his flamboyant butchery acts was: “It’s nothing personal”.‘cause it wasn’t. But if you see someone publicly disrespect you and do nada to whoever’s symbolically giving you the finger, then others start stepping on your toes, too. Would a simple firing squad do? Sure. But that’s boring, right? While I dunno how common anti-aircraft fire execution is, I suppose folk like Un just feel compelled to take it to the next level by making their homicidal punishment so grandiose that no one can miss it – much less forget it.
But let’s focus on the real tragedy here.
My fantasy where Franco and Un really do become besties like in “The Interview” got gunned down too, today.
‘cause homie don’t say awake for nothin’. He’d be dining on plane bullets real quick.
Final thoughts?
If I were the defense minister, I’d pretend to fall asleep right before the executioner fired.
Ultimate way to get in the last word. Go out like a boss.