I can’t watch “Walking Dead” anymore.
Not the way this season’s going.
I know. I know, Carl. Me, the bish who thrives on Romero, has memorized every line of “House of 1,000 corpses” and “Devil’s Rejects”, and knows more fun facts about Bundy than she probably should – can’t seem to watch her favorite show this season without spacing apart episodes. That’s right. There’ll be no series binging for this leg of the trip.
Mostly because of the leg binging I just witnessed as I caught up on episode 2.
It was bad enough seeing the dudes at the compound people-clobbering like Mickey Mantle cattle butchers. To be fair, I kinda knew ahead of time cannibalism would be happening – but I’d just expected it’d be more of a suggestion – less of an overt thing. And it’s always the irony that’s the killer isn’t it? (Sweet old lady with a poison apple? Funny clown wielding a knife?) Likewise, this once-nice still-handsome looking dude is so far gone from his good Samaritan days that he’s staring Bob down while tucking into a nice cut of his calf.
(“Did”? I thought he said “taste”. Eh, I suppose the former’s better. Sounds less, I dunno, racist or something. Maybe. Clearly need to brush up on my interracial people eating etiquette.)
Also ironic (and a nice touch) was the juxtaposition of all the hopeful “everyone ain’t so bad and we’re in a church making merry” vibe they had going on (while Gareth’s going Dahmer on Bob). But I have two questions, one of which’ll probably get answered when I catch up on last night’s ep:
First, WTF was Bob outside to start with, all by his lone, crying? Did he actually get bit in that zombie-hole and hid it? And planned to off himself out there anyway? They sure made that “one more kiss” scene seem excessively spesh. Plus I was sure aqua-walker got at least a little mandible action on his pinkie or someth.
Second: Did they plan with SOA for both their Bob’s to have body parts ripped off/out this week?
Third: Rewind to the end of episode one:
Where the fluff did all the zombies go that black Paul Bunyan murdered? Homie went full on Norris on those bastards to return to Judith, and when Rick & Co. return – nada in the front yard?
Either way, the cannibalism narrative makes me wonder: in dystopia after-world, how long would it take me to turn into a psychopath? I mean like, worse of one than I am? It’s disheartening to consider and makes my life-outlook start to feel bleak as my morals loosen. So, I personally can’t keep watching the show this season. Too much. I mean, here I’m trying to live a good cruelty free no meat diet…
… and Bob looks… delicious.
Effing Hollywood. So seductive. I’ll probably keep watching, secretly.
But I’mma hafta hogtie myself and gag my drooling face hole to avoid vegan relapse.
