Well I knew that meditation could make ya live longer.

But 200 years?

That’s what the Buddhists are claiming of this mummified monk found a couple months ago. He was stashed away in the home of some dude planning to sell him on the black market. And while I’m not sure exactly what you’d do with an overpriced Bodhisattva who’s passed on, my guess is (if that’s your religion and you believe he’s just in a deep trance like they’re saying), you’d pluck him up and try to do the spiritual equivalent of what they tried to do with Einstein’s brain – slice ‘im open and look for clues to answer how the eff he achieved a transcendent enough state to defy death.

‘cause that’s the whole crux of the still-alive theory:

Buddhists believe in this rare state called “Tukdam” – it’s this next level trance like your dog goes into whenever there are cupcakes on the counter within snout’s reach. And, while it’s very rare to achieve this state, those who meditate enough to reach and maintain it past three weeks… end up turning into mummies.

Or as an actual physician who also provides medical supervision to the Dalai Lama himself says:

“If the person is able to remain in this state for more than three weeks — which rarely happens — his body gradually shrinks, and in the end all that remains from the person is his hair, nails, and clothes. Usually in this case, people who live next to the monk see a rainbow that glows in the sky for several days. This means that he has found a ‘rainbow body’. This is the highest state close to the state of Buddha. If the meditator can continue to stay in this meditative state, he can become a Buddha. Reaching such a high spiritual level the meditator will also help others, and all the people around will feel a deep sense of joy.”

I’d pass this off as a ridiculous piece that should’ve been born and died in the National Enquirer. But having felt first-hand the mind blow effects of what little bit of meditation I make myself do, I can’t. I can only question, not dismiss anything anymore. And going into details is useless. It’s like a daily personal experience of how I imagine scientists feel trying to logically work out the double slit experiment much less explain it. So, that’s not what I’m knocking. I guess what I don’t get is… voluntarily morphing into animistic rigor mortis? Becoming naught but a keratin and clothing pile? Sounds like an excellent end goal, says my sardonic side. Meanwhile my more encouraging side, says, “What an excellent way to commit suicide – just enter a trance! No pain!”

Ya know, if you’ve got the better part of a month to invest.

In sum, I guess all that advice about “too much sitting killing you” was wrong.

Your move, science.