Ever read something in public that makes you GOL?
I don’t mean “laugh out loud”, but guffaw? One of those mortifying chortles as you lose yourself in the delicious ironic laughter after reading a poorly done piece in a published magazine? Like the three point explanache I just read on why hot people don’t have it that good? So screw ’em?
The three main bullet points went thusly:
1. “Super attractive people are thought to be less likely to help others”
(Hey, at least she’s interested in finding out.)
2. “The presence of a highly attractive person can make others around them feel worse.”
(Not my problem when I’m the one cheering you on, bish.)
3. “Members of your sex will hold your looks against you if you are attractive and successful”
(First, this is betrayal-sexism. And Nancy from The Craft taught me to burn other witches when they betray our coven. #themoreyouknow But if you’re a boss who was also born with ovaries, you can hold it against me. So long as you don’t hold my paycheck, we coo’. )
The last two points are too obviously stupid to even argue.
To be fair, the top pointer is too, but as it was confirmed by the author via a University of Southern Mississippi study, I decided to give it a look see. Because the claim was that in that study, they observed that more attractive women focused more on self promotion than concern for others. This is cute and all, but I like to get a little context. After a little Googlin’, I found three interesting factors in these experiments. First, the subjects had a mean age of 29. Second, these were all university students. Third, the perceptions were that the “beautiful strive for conformity rather than independence, and for self-promotion rather than tolerance.”
As an almost-30-er, I can look at this experiment with one of those rare sweeping moments of sympathy that helps me identify facts. And among them is this: this experiment’s happening in an institutional bubble of “Holy shit, I’m about to turn 30 and graduate and WTF am I doing with my life?” Of course these people are self-conscious and suddenly wanting to conform and self-promote. It’s survival. Now that the dirty 30 hangover’s cleared off, it’s clear that they can’t get by on their hippie principles (not if they’re in grad school – which unless this is Van Wilder U., I assume they are) or looks forever.
Which is fine. Those things are fine. But they don’t work to prove any of the conclusions being made from the study. To be honest, I don’t need to eviscerate badly drawn conclusions to know they aren’t true. And neither do you. I mean is this real life? With this article that belongs in The Onion? It’s not only validating the importance of superficial qualities, but asking people reading it to externally validate themselves (not to mention shaming any readers who were born with a decent flesh suit to hang their fantastic bones on). And if there’s any truth to that self-promo aspect, is it any wonder with drivel being published like that? The attractive masses are largely already insecure about themselves, feeling like their worth is on borrowed time. It’s that “What’m I gonna do when my beauty fades – because that’s all society cares about? ‘Hot’ is my identity!”
If you’re an externally-sexy person and the three points above resonate with you at all (though I hope they don’t), I encourage you to do a little self-analysis. All these points have to do with the perceptions of other people hating you ahead of time for the notional belief that you’ll be too self-involved like some who do get by on their looks and don’t bother being nice.
Unless that’s true (and you aren’t nice) why do you care what they think anyway?
“Stop beeeing jealous…” – Miss Hilton
Short of dressing like a hobo for work, why give out your fckks for free?
I mean, we’re wading two layers of meaninglessness deep in the murky worthiness waters on this one: appearance and other people’s judgment. Two things you cannot change.
Unless you change yourself.
Chances are, if you’re going through life happy, then random assumption based judgment (an intentional redundancy since all judgment is assumption based and we need be reminded of that occasionally) from others based on your looks is water off a ducks back, down the river, and under some bridge that you’ll never think of again.
If you’re not – that bridge is something you maybe think about jumping off only every single day during your lunch break as you nibble the same sandwich you always eat, stare at your feet, and watch the pen ink leak into your chest pocket without bothering to remove it.
So, we’ve established you can’t change the source of the problem (looks or judgment) without changing yourself, right? Changing the former doesn’t have to mean plastic surgery or even makeup mods – but it could be a long-term investment of eating noms that nourish you, doing some body movin’ that keeps you vibrant, flexible, and sexy… or (and this is the biggie) just making sure you don’t go around rocking the ever-popular “I’m stuck in my own head” douche-face like I do after a long morning of too much writing.
That last one is the biggest weapon in your arsenal you’ve got against judgment.
Or your perception of it at least. And it absolutely relies on the whole “take care of your mind and body and all the shiz you say you don’t have time for because you spent it jerking off in the shower” list. It doesn’t matter if you’ve got a face like Ross from Friends and a voice like Chandler’s annoying ex: If your ride’s running on bliss fuel when it leaves home, people are gonna smell it.
And they’ll smile back…
…whether you’re a beat up hooptie, a Benz, or just to pretty to drive at all.
