Did your name determine your life choices?

Quick! Say your name out loud. Now… what thoughts just came to mind for you? Disappointment that your mother couldn’t think outside the box of popular names for that year? Or smile inducing happiness that makes you think, “Yes. That’s my name. It’s beautiful in that it signifies all that I am. When I come to rule the world, I’ll mandate that my theocracy use it as their only mantra”?.. Read More

Ring my bell, go to hell, and ask satan for sarcasm courses while you’re there.

One of my more interesting unintentional content-inspirers posted something majestic today. It came from this Facebook group (which has probably been around for ages, but since I live under a rock is totally new to me) called “Christians Against Drugs”. The site actually touches on sex and everything else fun in addition to the mind-altering goodies. And it’s so deliciously dripping in satire, that I spent a good five minutes.. Read More

Science tells us we’re crapping wrong.

You know, I critique my dog’s OCD shitting ritual all the time. But maybe I have no room to speak. Because, according to science, I and the rest of my culture are (like so many things in our lives) doing it wrong. Unless, of course we have one of those ass-istive emission devices. I recently joked around about making my own toilet for weight loss, but I was reminded today.. Read More

Will learning Cantonese get me closer to “Lucy” level mind control?

I once read that we assume different personas when speaking different languages. At the time, I attributed that to the fact that we tend to socially match whoever we’re speaking with – and that it thus might be a cultural mirroring kind of a thing. However, while I’m sure that has to do with at least part of it, this piece I just perused on speaking Cantonese offers its own.. Read More

I’mma letchyu finish, but first lemme tell you how to raise your kid.

My brother sent me a video clip of my niece the other day. “Great, Ashley. You’ve successfully bored me with the first sentence. Well done.” -Someone in the audience “Aw, c’mon. Give her a chance!” -Someone I planted in audience fully expecting that’d be said A chunky ball of glee and fat yet, she’s maybe a year and some change. And – in the video – as she lost balance,.. Read More

Why it will be okay when I steal these red pandas.

Well, it’s gonna snow again today. Right on top of this still-hasn’t-even-melted-yet layer. But I’m determined to venture out in it – and this time it’s not to go running. Well, yes, that’s a given; but today our focus is slightly redirected. Today, after I shovel my car out of its powdery ice fortress, I’ll be taking to the roads and heading all the way to the zoo. So I.. Read More

Look at these troublemakers…

I love a good make-your-intestines-cringe style prank. Especially when it’s got levels to it. My recent fave was the stunt driver chick who didn’t warn her blind dates (I thought it was mostly ‘cause they didn’t ask – but maybe they did and she just lied about it #liesarefun) that she recklessly yet impeccably manned automobiles for a living. Then, there ensued a hidden-cam floorshow of delighted dude shrieks (and.. Read More

Silence of the Lambs: Why I’d’ve kicked ass as Agent Starling or the Fat Chick

While dancing in the mirror to Goodbye Horses and clutching a banana between my thighs today, I realized something. “Who knew penis envy was such an excellent adductor workout?” Once I got over my lack o’ phallus tears, three other things regarding Silence of the Lambs occurred to me – after having seen the movie for the quadrillionth time this week. The first had to do with that scene when.. Read More

Do we date based on mommy n’ daddy issues?

I swear there’s some divine digital synchronistic undercurrent guiding the interwebz. And today, it came in the form of a “Psychology Today” piece on how we pick the wrong people for us (right on the heels of my article about how we don’t pick bad people; our approach just needs work). Reviewing my thoughts – I still stand by them – but the article did kinda open my mind a.. Read More