“Hey. HEY. Ashley.”
I heard this voice the other night while in my bed.
I was inside my double locked apartment.
Where I live totally alone.
(Calm down, Mikey. This ain’t that kindofa thriller.)
But the reality behind it is kind thrilling. I mean, sure, had I still been in the phase of my life where I was watching unsolved mysteries and supernatural thrillers before bedtime, I’d’ve been 100% positive it was an inimical spirit sent to collect my soul and departed the premises immediately, setting it on fire as I went. Especially since it was a male’s voice. Nonetheless, in lieu of immolating my domicile, I consulted Google. And I got an array of possible answers. Was it a neighbor? An auditory hallucination? Remnants of a dairy farmer split personality character from that time I was Johnny Depp and I went shizophrenic from too much writing?
Or… was is maybe just my inner voice which knew I’d fallen asleep when I still had stuff to do?
I’m going with that last thing. And it couldn’t have been too malevolent- because it made me rise off my ass to finish busywork that couldn’t be put off any longer than I’d been doing already. I’ve heard it (infrequently – don’t send the white coats yet) since, and it’s only ever when it’s necessary. Which makes it a good thing.
So, why’s this gift happening now?
Could it be because my self-talk has changed within the past year?
Exactly what has changed that self-talk?
Honestly, I couldn’t have pinpointed it until I read a bit of a PsychToday article about how using your own name in self talk (whether out loud or not) is the best method. At first, that made zero sense to me. But as I read on, that old familiar “Aha!” sounded off in my brain. Of course it’d work better to think in “Ashley” than “I”. I mean, when you think of it “I” is a very lonely pronoun. Too much room for egocentricism and solipsism alike. In fact, everyone else dotting the globe could currently be roving droves of ambling, animated dead after last night’s zombie apocalypse (they very well may be – I haven’t left home yet today to check) but there’d still be “I”, wouldn’t there? And then who would I have to do or be anything for? What would be the point in self-improvement anymore?
Contrarily, we only ever really hear our names when (or have one at all because) someone else is saying it out loud – to get our attention. Just like that disembodied voice in my bed-head at night. Where the lonely “I” can make us self-question and wonder “Why should I perform these tasks? Believe these things? For who?”, the third person beckoner reminds us of our place in the world. Maybe we’re performing the tasks or believing the words banging around in our brains because when it feels like a detached entity is issuing it, it reminds us of other people who’ve maybe said similar things. In turn, that improves the impact of self-talk because it kinda integrates our inner and outer worlds. Reminds us of who we really are when no one’s around so we can emobdy that when we interact as well.
In a way, it also alleviates the pressure of “I have to do or be XYZ” when some separate element is taking if off our hands and gently guiding us into it. This is kinda why I create a daily schedule for myself the night before I’m to carry it out. It’s like nighttime me is some wiser old Asian lady sage map-maker for the next day, and current me just has to follow the directions. Without stopping to pause and worry about whether I’ll have enough time, one of the biggest daily concerns about productivity is automatically lifted. This third-person forecaster works about 90% of the time, it only ever really fails when I fail to meet it halfway, and my biggest ramification is self-disappointment and subsequently less helpful self-talk.
And maybe getting the hose.
(Good effort, Bill. Bit impersonal for third-person; but at least it’s not “I”.)
While all’a these are fab for productivity, there’s also this other huge element to self-talk that plays into that. Self-belief. Self-affirmation. A lotta those hypnosis videos and guided meditations are audio barrages of positive mindset programming. While that may seem campy on the surface, it def proved itself in a miscellany of studies. Subjects who failed tests, lovers who’d been dumped, and even the suddenly socially rejected – bounced back easier when they had a reinforced foundation of self-belief to remind them that they were more than that one life-disappointment they’d just experienced. Carry on with life. Business as usual. Eschew anxiety and power on with minimal wallowing. And I can phox with that. Because if I have available a broader, high-def, panorama view of my self-worth and life than my defects or today’s shittily dealt hand, then why would I opt for watching that narrow tunnel of now’s letdown footage shot on a four pixel potato camera? And if I believe in my capacity to undertake a task competently, I’m far more likely to remain motivated to do it and do it well.
After all, that disembodied voice believes in me enough to whisper it to me late at night like sweet nothings.
But then again, maybe that’s just ‘cause he’s sleeping with me.