“And would you like skim, whole, soy, or butter in that?”
Excuse me? Butter?
Yes, that. Apparently, the performance-enhancing legal drug we all know and love is realizing even more of a boost. I dunno if the butterbeers of the Three Broomsticks ever had any better spells than our own libations, but this buttered coffee sure sounds like wizardry. But just because it’s called “bulletproof coffee” doesn’t mean you use a Land o’ Lakes stick to stir up your creamer clogged cup tomorrow morning. Rather, the stuff they use is special. And there won’t be any need for breakfast when you nom it down either – as it leaves you feeling sufficiently satiated and energized enough to bang out your to-do list long after the usual mid-morning slump. So they say.
Much like other old-as-time traditions, we westerners are new to this concept that might work better than the current McShiz rituals that make us cranky. But we like trends until we get bored of them, so biohacker health guru dude Dave Asprey is taking advantage of that. He found that drinking yak tea with butter in Tibet imbued him with turbocharged energy, despite the massive elevation. The Sherpa mountaineer Mingma Tseri Sherpa concurs the coffee is as effective as it is healthy and comforting in colder months: “We often drink tea with yak butter and salt. It’s good for our health and we mostly drink it during winter. It’s very common fuel for sherpas and climbing.”
(But I’m more apt to believe the latter guy. Not just ‘cause he’s done it since forever, but because he’s scaled Everest 19 times on that java fuel). According to one person who guinea pigged the brew, not only must one use special butter – but the type of coffee matters too. It’s said that:
“The lowest toxin coffee with the highest performance possible is preferred.”
One fan favorite is apparently Guatemalan Finca Santa Clara (that’s a mouthful). Then comes the butter: organic, unsalted, and grass fed is good. One suggested brand is organic Yeo Valley – with a dash of coconut oil. Blend up that badboy (presumably with one of those miniature child’s toy sized single serving eggbeater looking things) and voila! You’ve got a frothy cocktail not unlike a latte in consistency, to chug from a mug as your mug slowly transforms from still-sleepy curmudgeon to diligent get-shit-doner
And what about later in the day?
They say bulletproof coffee will keep you going a good six hours and make you burn fat. Really? It sounds nice, but I’m skeptical about how special this biohack is for three reasons:
1. “Lasts six hours”? Isn’t 2:00 or 3:00 when everyone stops feeling that tall mocha, too? Don’t they have a name for that? “The slump”? Find me something that goes the full 8 and we can talk. #notunique
2. “Burns fat”? Or just makes you drop pounds? Of course you lose weight. It’s oil. Who wants to eat when they feel like they’ve gotta paunch full’a petroleum jelly? #skinnyfat
3. “Ye(y)o Valley”? “Yak tea”? Sounds more like the kinda “caffeine” that made Tony Montana “bulletproof” for his last few epic moments on earth, too.
So, naturally, I’ll say hello to your little friend.
And make mine a double. Venti. Thanks.