Ever wonder what it’d be like to get down… up there?
While I’ve always wanted to venture off our spherical home and float around in the safety of an oxygenated, temperature controlled vessel for a while – I’ve always thought how surprisingly unsexy sex in space sounds. Sure, loving while levitating might be alright, but thoughts of jizz whizzing by and turning tummies make it sound slightly unappealing. And would we even be able to rise to the occasion of get pumping for long when our red blood cells aren’t getting pumped out as quickly as they do here on earth?
While experiments (allegedly – who knows what sorta ish they do without telling us) haven’t formally been run by NASA, these are all questions that have come up. But aside from the standard issue of discomfort, there’s also the safety factors before committing copulatory acts of acro-yoga. Your best swanky lizard moves here on earth might land your lady love a concussion while sexy star trekking. For that, an ugly-bumpin’ strap would hafta be devised, most likely.
Assuming you are skilled enough to still have game when you don’t have gravity, what happens if you actually conceive? In outer space, could a dude’s swimmers get messed up? DNA mutations are highly likely in such regions of high radiation. While the planet we hail from has gravity that aids greatly in proper conception, it might be difficult for gametes to meet in space.
“It helps with conception…”
“It helps with WHAT?”
And even if they do, that might be worse if the DNA’s been altered.
Then, there’s the social aspects that could interfere with the mission itself. You know how they say not to eff your coworkers? Well, at least at work, you can gather around the water cooler and talk shiz about Victor’s whiskey dick or what a slut Marnie is – and then roll your eyes and roll out when either of them walks into the room. Can’t do that in black vastness of the cosmos, can ya? Captive audience to the drama and all that.
So… why are they even considering this if it carries such potential for body trauma and life drama in the midst of a profesh atmosphere while bobbing around outside Earth’s atmosphere? Well, as we get further along in space research, the missions may get longer. Sure, these are experts and professionals –but they’re also human people with wants, desires, and emotions – living basically in an isolated infinite prison vacuum together. So there’s that.
But, more importantly, it’s like Kennedy claimed when we went to the moon.
We’ll do it ‘cause it’s hard.
