From tits to adipose vacuums, we’re a body-mod loving culture.
And we’re not alone.
I mean, across cultures.
As if cutting and bruising and stabbing with hypodermics isn’t bad enough, we’re also really good at beating ourselves up about it. It’s that whole lack of humility thing where we think we’re better than everyone else when it comes to stuff like acts of inhumanity in the name of patriotism. Then, the next moment, we think we’re horrible for living in a place where they champion vanity and suck spirituality out of religion as easily as they do the fat out of our asses.
So, it’s fun to look at the adulation of external beauty across other cultures – with the aim of seeing we’re not so diff.
First – a guy really committed to showing up the “you must be this tall to ride this ride” sign at Disneyland.
Damn. This is like fancy traction. Gold plated ghetto fabulous modalities n’ sheeeit. I remember seeing this in National Geographic as a kid and first thinking it looked kind of cool. My first thought was whether it hurt or did they just do it to look pretty? Now that I’m way older and way smarter and even did science for four whole years, I know they obviously evolved them to eat high hanging fruit.
Duh.
F’real, though. There’s a handful of different tribes that do this. Some treat it like a wedding ring. Some do it for spiritual reasons. Some do it to show off wealth. And some do it for beauty.
Next, the original cornrows:
(Oh, right. And beauty meeting convenience via implanted plate.)
I say “convenience” because I think this would be great place to implant a clock (“Flavor-FLAVE!”), mirror, or even just a regular dinner plate when the corn falls down. But, seriously, on a beauty-perception level, they think it’s the shiz. And how’s this any different from hipsters with gauges in their ears, the trout-pout chicks, and Playboy snacktrays? For a while I wondered why barely 30 chicks voluntarily request the Jigsaw cheekbone special.
The more I consider it, though, I think it’s a cultural shift. It’s as if we’re doing the status symbol thing too – but with plastic. Like – if no one can tell that you had work done, you might be poor.
But if you make it super obvious, then everyone will know youz a bad bitch with cash.
Next, Nefertiti’s real reason for the big hat:
(Actually, that’s not true. Don’t put that in your history reports, kids. Go cheat from Wikipedia like the other good students.)
These folk deformed the heads of their kids for reasons not completely known – although the most plausible guess has been to try and expand the consciousness of each generation by expanding the baby’s brain box.
We give ours boxes too – wrapped in glass and plastic, with the free gift inside of attention time sinks and subdued creativity for all eternity. Hey, it might be technopium but it does shut them up. I’ve seen it happen. And that’s what’s most important when parents have more important things to do.
Naturally, when I saw it on Ancient Aliens, McLightSocketHair indeed shared his logic that people would only do such a thing to desecrate their bodies if they were emulating….(insert double wide power hand gesture)… aliens.
Yeah. No. Makes total sense. ’cause nobody else puts rings on their necks for plain old fashion.
Or plates in their pucker flesh (In fact, I’m surprised he didn’t add that the lip dishes were modeled after their flying saucers.)
Or silicone in their tits.
Or injects face-freeze for permanent dead-brow.
Hey, maybe we’re all just paying subconscious homage to the Mary Kay martians. But until they beam us up, it’s fun to see how we’re all doing the same damned thang – just with slightly different tools.