So, it looks like I’m on a VICE binge this week.

Today’s? One on how superficial online dating makes you.

Now, I can’t say what that’s like. I’ve met one guy online that ended ultimately in a hookup once in my life – in the land before MySpace (we had this thing called CampusHook back when I was starting out in colleg-…Jesus I sound old. Abort. ABORT! Close parentheses in 3, 2, 1-…) Anyway, I met this guy on CampusHook – a thing where you also had to be a student (like Zuckerworld was before it lost VIP status) in order to post up a profile and connect with collegiate tail. We ended up doing a group-meet up (safest way) via frat party he and his bros were throwing. I wasn’t that into him, which made us the perfect no-strings booty buddies after I dumped my boyfriend of a few years for being a cheating douchebag (I wasn’t great to him, either, but I was faithful; we should’ve split earlier). It was the first and last time I online dated. Why? ‘cause the first thing we agreed about each other when we first met up was “you seem different from your picture”. But the cool thing about the VICE article I just perused is that it spotlights a totes different aspect of profile misconception:

The actual profile – and what it has to say.

Are you poorly judging people based on their description section?

And thinking you’re better than the web Cowell’s who scoff at the snapshots?

Just because you like Hemingway and he likes Hustler?

There’s what books you’ve read, your favorite films, whether you take astrology seriously…

Does anyone ever prematurely rule that out?

And what if “You’re not even like your ‘like’ section?”

This braver-than-me chick who didn’t take three or twelve failed online link ups as a sign to stop… did do the early-rule out. And eventually, she learned why that sucks. Sure, it took her a bit. But after dating every kind of not-for-me there is, from mundane men to asylum escapees, one day it finally clicked for her in the most hideous way. She agreed to meet up with some one-star looking (both visually and descriptively) dude as a last resort, putting zero primping action into preparing for their “date”. She didn’t like his views on the environment (and this is where I had to be really open minded to keep reading because his were: he gave a shit; hers were: she doesn’t. Moving on) or the fact that Boondock Saints were in his film-fave list. Digitally, he was a dud. But when he showed up, to her surprise – he was far hotter than his snappy, didn’t go all Jared Leto about tree hugging, and his movie tastes were just another facet of his palette that didn’t enter into the convo. As for her? Not only was she sat there looking like she’d run straight to this date after waking up to a house fire, but when he still wanted to come hang out with her for a movie – she ended up getting both-ends-activated style sick while he was staying the night at her place. Maybe it was what she’d ordered at lunch. Or maybe it was the karmic dating deities teaching her this generation’s yes-and to the whole book cover judgment thing: Don’t judge a scholarly journal article by its abstract.

As for me?

That whole “different from your picture” still weighs on me. So, I don’t i-date.

I suppose I’d rather know someone’s seen the 360 degree flaw carousel that I am upfront.

And still wants to ride it.