I thought I needed my contacts updated…
…but clearly it’s just this horrible new wedding photo trend.
Ya know, I get the 360 degree or panorama pictures. Those are fun because they make you feel like you’re wherever the douchebag trying to make you jealous is. They teleport that same post-cardy sentiment of “wish you were here” and fully capture how it felt to be overlooking Mount Whatever-akalau in Hawaii on that trip I should have taken but couldn’t ‘cause I’m a victim of laziness induced poverty. But if I were actually there with you – be it on Oahu for a swim or some cement fortress looking church for a wedding – you know what view I wouldn’t be taking it all in from?
The sky.
And that’s why drone photos are stupid. Granted, the name is apt in describing about 99.9% of the weddings I’ve been to – a literal drone of perfunctory scriptural reading with about as much enthusiasm as my dog has on toothbrushing day. So, that’s my one and only concession. Well, I’ll make two – mayhaps – it was a fun photographical experimental idea… that failed. It’s the sort of thing where you say, “Might it be cool if we tried to use the government’s technology that’s used mostly to do bad things… to do something pretty instead?” But, again… The answer’s a resounding “No” on this one.
Don’t get me wrong, this idea could be great at large scale events you can only appreciate from cloud-view: spelling out pretty pictures, making star spangled banners and eagles with dyed sheep, flying into nudist colonies, meandering over all the places that don’t show up on Google maps to see if there’s anything cool hiding down there….
See? Lots of useful functions.
Just not at these atrocious angles lacking any aesthetic value – and not for an event where the focus is meant to be on capturing those few visible ephemeral moments of wedded bliss on the faces of the newly united before it dissipates forevermore. Or those of envious bridesmaids trying to conjure up their best “No, I’m totally happy for you” expressions and coming up short with the all too familiar “I haven’t shat yet today; will there be a full bar at the reception?” combo-face instead. Instead of what little fun weddings do offer in the form of embarrassing pictures of other people, this shiz just makes everyone need Dramamine.
(You know the insecure girls love this shot, “I look skinny from this cankle! I mean angle!”)
Verdict? Drone wedding photography is a thing to be scrapped, not scrapbooked.