So, this isn’t news but it’s news to me.
I wrote a thing a couple weeks back about how dumb smartphone watches seem to my abstract conceptualization of them (and my lady brain who thinks no one could follow Connery’s Bond timepiece version – so why try?). In that article, I mentioned my overwhelming desire to get a Fitbit – a pie in sky plan that thrived and died in my own word vomit that very day.
I may have proceeded to forget about it, but you know who didn’t? My Youtube sidebar
(Wait – how’d Youtube know what I’ve been plunking out here on Pants planet?)
Naturally, I didn’t question the online monitor voyeurism evident in the video suggestions because I was too busy pressing play, and learning… how motherhugging expensive these badboys are!
Don’t get me wrong. I haven’t ruled it out yet – but if I’mma buy one, I wanted to stick around to see if they actually work for that price. Luckily, some scientist dude checked it out after he had been moving around all day and got a super low readout. After running some oxygen level tests against the trackers during more obvious exercise (like cardio), the tracker turned out to be surprisingly legit. In fact, its only real inaccuracy seemed to be underestimating the burn – meaning that if it says you burned 200 calories during a lil afternoon delight, you likely expended more.
Oh, now that’d be a good way to entice your ladies, gents.
(“I burned eleventy-hundred calories sexing! And an extra um… three times as much… when I went rawdog!”)
(Protip: Stick with testimonial advertising. Actually suggesting she do it to lose weight will leave you with naught but a pricey device and blueballs #sexyhacks)
So, this underestimate glitch is a good thing, right?
Eh… maybe. But it wont’ be when the zombie apocalypse hits, I start looking at calories as precious energy versus an adipose inducing burden, and suddenly need to make sure I’m not burning through them like I did with my cash on caffeine before the dead rose and feasted on the living.
Sure, it’s gone down a little in price since last year – but if I’mma pay more than like fifty bucks, I wanna know it’ll work when I have to supplant my arm with weaponry and attack fleets of decaying geezers.
Hey! Maybe if I just hew off my arm now, I can both use it as currency to actually afford my Fitbit today and prepare effectively for doomsday!
#problemsovled