Yes, we’re back with more foods that make you go ew, oh, and agggh!

Wait, did you miss part 1?

You did? Shhh sshh. No need to fret. It’s right here.

Go ahead. Head over. Read at your leisure.

We’ll be here patiently awaiting your return.



Category: “Aghhh!” and then “Ew” if you eat certain pharmaceuticals with it.

(This gif’s a perfect Inception-esque (eh?) metaphor for how I felt forcing myself to watch till the end of this movie.)

(…a torture arguably worse than the time I mixed pills and grapefruit.)

Once upon a prescription, I forgot this nugget of knowledge. And by forgot, I mean, I was likely too out of my mind from taking what was in the Benzo bottle for so long that I forgot the giant warning they’d been putting on there for the past ten years: “DO NOT EAT WITH GRAPEFRUIT.” 72 point font. There every month. Bolder than a blinking neon stripper sign. Anyone could’a missed it amiriiiight? Down the hatch, it went – one half the acidic ingredients of my imminent gastric Molotov cocktail. I don’t recall much of that day, but I do believe it enhanced the effects of the medication past the point of enjoyment. But, then again, I’m only going based off the flashback moment where I had to wash fruit scented puke outta my lovely locks which had spent so much time unconsciously marinating in a puddle of it that they were fashioned into a full bodied “Something About Mary” do.

Is anyone turned on yet? I’m trying my hardest here…


Category: “Aghhh!”

What’s it do? In excess, it makes you excellent fodder for Arkham Asylum.

Specifically, you can get auditory hallucinations and start to overreact to life situations. I don’t necessarily hear actual voices (unless I go for a second pot of the stuff), but as for the madness? Yep, I can vouch. As an addict, coffee is one of those last things I’ll probably still be clutching outward for a refill with my stained and trembling bone claws as they close the casket lid. It’s a vice I’ve tried to cut back on. Yet that full pot always makes its way into my gullet. There’s comfort in it. It’s warm. It wakes me. And it’s a drug so accepted by society that we get CDA (cognitive dissonance annoyance #wordsimakeup) with anyone who points that out. What’s less accepted, is the fact that it enhances my lust for rage. Right now, the problem seems to be contained and limited to my domicile walls – and the miscellany of wrath induced gashes they’ve accrued over time. But, as my residence begins to resemble a prison comprised of swiss cheese, I can’t help but wonder what happens when my wrath-tolerance and coffee-tolerance start to synch up and bleed out into society like the oil creature from Fern Gully. Perhaps this factoid is just the wakeup call – the common sense equivalent to coffee itself – I need to finally reduce the caffeine before I lose it totally. Yeah. I’ll start cutting back… tomorrow. Maybe.

Actually, you know, Arkham doesn’t sound so bad.

Lotsa high profile villains in there, I hear.

6. SOY

Category: “Aggh” and a bad “Oh!”

Why? It smites your swimmers.

(Not a bad consolation prize for the “World’s Best Dad” mug it could’ve been if you didn’t eat kitchen sponges.)

That’s right. I’d heard of this before but I yawned, passed on reading further, and didn’t give it much thought. To be honest, I’m still not that interested. I’m not a man, I’m not married to one, and even if I was married to one – I still haven’t gotten bitten by whatever the antidote-bug to the anti-baby-bug I did get bitten by very early on is. But, as I’m on a spiritual path, I’m trying to be empathetic. Think of others and all that. So, I’m providing this information to any of you who plan to contribute to earth’s overpopulation until the aliens finally come, collectively annihilate all of virus-us from the computer planet, and reformat our rock ball which deserves better altogether.

Takeaway: Significant soy eating’s said to squash half’a the wiggly ingredients that make half’a mini you. So, soy up if “quitting while you’re ahead” and reaching the family line’s finish line instead’a passing on a genetic baton sounds like your kinda life race. Also: I wonder if “Yo soy estéril” is a joke among Spanish speaking blank shooters. Probably not. Most Spanish speaking countries wouldn’t have this problem. The food they eat’s too simultaneously tasty and disgusting to shoe in tofu…

Well, that’s all for now.

And, of all of this, my main focus is still just on those tan inducing snacks. #vanity I may have to do something with that in an upcoming article. I love to self-experiment (#giggity) with dietary tweaks (#nvm), but since my coffee-nap-caffeine-spike experiment was ultimately disrupted and aborted due to an unprecedented and acute onset of unwillingness, I may try this in lieu. A pre-summer dermal diet. Lotsa carotenoids for the next month. No sun yet (because: experimental variable; not hard to avoid – it’s still January) And I’ll document photographically my progress as I go.

Stay tuned….