Russell Simmons is super cool.
What I like about celebs like him are how they bring an element of relatability to spirituality for us unspecial folk. He does yoga. He meditates. But unlike some of the stars I’ve witnessed go through a superficial metamorphosis, it’s not like he just fckks off his whole identity to move to an ashram or change career titles to “aghori sadhu”. He follows that old Alan Watts advice of: “If you get the message, hang up the phone.” That means, do the whole super-soul-Sunday shiz, then “hang up the phone”, come back into reality and apply it to your job.
Like directing a movie.
About…WorldStarHipHop?
Wait, what? That’s right. You thought this was gonna be another new-agey article, didn’t ya? BOOM. Just when you think you got this bish pegged, I drop drivel knowledge on you. So, yep – yogi meditator Russell Simmons is going to be directing a movie on this iconically delicious ghetto gem of the web.
And – as if the concept of an entire movie being inspired by the intestines of the brain-dead internet to be imbued with Frankensteinian cinematic life for an entire hour-and-however-long movies last (I can never sit straight through), here’s the follow up “whaa…?”: he and his co-creators are planning on making it in the vein of Ferris Beueller’s Day Off.
I had a little trouble trying to wrap my head around how that’d be possible, at first – until I realized the comedy can be about the disparities, not just the similarities. Add in a few crackheads, some alcohol, and a few camera-phone filmographer characters, and you could flip the whole ish.
For example, in my story:
Cameron has a Hennessy hang over (instead of being sick) when Ferris comes over.
… except it’s the glass window of a museum…
And as they’re stealing all the Basquiats, Ben Stein appears on the other side of the broken glass as alarms are blaring, repeating in his infamous nasally low energy monotone drone while aiming his phone unenthusiastically at them:
“WoooorldStar.”
…(silent pause)…
“Woooorldstar.”
…(silent pause)…
“Wooorldstar.”
Nope! Love ya, Russ. But this tops the list of shiz I won’t be watching.
You’re welcome to use my genius ideas, though.