Today, Oprah made me feel slightly less crazy and out of touch with humanity.
And wasn’t with her spiritual advice.
Whenever this chick’s interviewing someone whose loved one’s just died, she does what she does best: interrupts them. And to exacerbate these already painful grief discussions, she starts drawing comparisons to…. her dogs. Seriously. This is a problem. Because I turned on one of those OWN programs (I do this every so often to catch some Gabby Bernstein or Pema Chodron because I try to assuage my assholery levels when they start to rise too high). But when I catch Oprah acting the fool like this, it just causes the exact opposite reaction in me from what I’m trying so hard to go for. I start judging and smirking and feeling altogether unholy. (Maybe it’s intentional and a conspiracy?)
“Oh, your family died in a fire? That reminds me of when I lost my dog Sophie…”
”Oh your daughter was kidnapped, raped, and murdered? LITERALLY exactly how I felt when Sophie died…”
“Oh your lover’s still missing and the killer’s sending you pieces of his fingers in bloody boxes every month? I know that feel, ‘cause when the groomer clipped Sophie’s nails too short, she -…”
Listen, O, I get it.
And I’m not just saying that from a place of fake empathy. My shih-tzu is my roommate, best friend, and the only sentient, respiring creature I’ve allowed to sleep in my bed for half a decade now. I don’t see that changing until she dies. And when she does, I’m either going to have a massive funeral in her name or hold tackle practice sans protection in rush hour traffic. It’ll be real sad. But if I do live past it, I’ll hopefully still have the wherewithal to remember this:
Other people aren’t like us, Oprah.
Most folk love their pups but value their loved ones’ human lives far more.
I know, it’s a hard concept to wrap my head around too. I think that only those of us who never wanna grow a miniature version of ourselves with our belly equipment (knowing they might grow into a full-fledged monster that could potentially be a cancer on the world) understand the supreme value of animals in our lives. That said, unless you’re the kind of cafeteria-sociopath who prefers animal company so that they don’t have to pretend to empathize with the feelings of their fellow species members (Hi 🙂 .), we should all be considerate of the place most normal folk are coming from. Or try to pretend we are at least. And that place is one in which you don’t compare the loss of human lives the loss of your dog. Quietly to yourself and like minded people? Yes. Call me. We can discuss at length how the earth should comprise nothing but animals and the people who exalt them and form religions after them.
But out loud to kin of the recently deceased?
How do you still have a show?
I hope you thank Saint Jesus and dead dog angel every night that you’re already rich and megafamous, my dudette.