I’m in love with this gutter wisdom.

And not just because of the delicious irony that accompanies imagining Pennywise’s raspy voice – snarling this positive thought through his yellowing sharpened shark teeth and across sanguine shaded lips. Nay, sir. This doubles as a “it’s funny ‘cause it’s true” for sure.

I was telling my mom the other day how I never felt less spiritual than sitting in a church pew. And that it wasn’t till this year that I even got a glimpse of that “something bigger” feeling. She knows better than to ask me to define or describe it (I think everyone defines “god” differently to themselves and they do a shitty job of doing it with words). But when those two Mormon girls show up every month and I turn them away, they don’t leave before asking me where I found god (Every damn time. And they give me the elevator eyes when they do it #judging). So, I’ve started telling them “Oh he was hiding under the couch all the time.” They usually aren’t amused – which makes me sad. Much like King’s clown, I like to make people laugh when possible (hey, the fridge head made me laugh) . Maybe I should print up Pennywise flyers with the above pic and start passing them out to these bishes? Or just dress up like Ledger-clown and ask “Whyyy sooo serious?” Who knows. Regardless of what gag I do to educe giggles, the question remains, though: Why should religion be so solemn? If you look miserable, then why would I wanna do what you’re doing? It’s like when Jessica Simpson did that weight loss commercial while she was still overweight – you’re being the worst advertisement ever for what you want me to buy.

Except with religion, they have the benefit of:

1. Programming it in early
2. Rein-fear-cement with the prospect of a permanent hell holiday.

So, that’s why Sir IT nails it on multi-levels. The same people who shoved jesus-loves-you religion down my throat were ironically more terrifying than a King novel. So, even when they were trying to say a nice thing, it got lost in the delivery medium. And all I was left with was a series of questions: “If religion-lord loves all’a us so much, why are you so stiff and scary and miserable?”… “Is lord-love not enough for you to be happy?”…“Will it be enough for me?”

And that, children, is why people turn away early from a higher power.

And get high instead.

As they descend into to gutter hell.