I loved Cameron Diaz in “Bad Teacher”.
But my favorite part wasn’t Justin’s dry-hump jean-jizz scene. Nor was it the sexy car wash (though it comes in a close second and I’ll be damned if her body doesn’t remind me I need to go workout ASAP everytime I see it). Nay, it was none of these – but the part that speaks to my heart is when she exacts revenge on that chirpy ginger colleague of hers by swapping false bottom desks and framing her with a junkie’s loot bag party variety of drugs that’d been stashed deep inside. Naturally, the cop-dogs sniff ‘em out, red gets her just desserts, and I don’t actually remember what happens for the rest of the movie.
But the takeaway is this: revenge is a dish best served creative.
Or at the very least – well planned. That’s why the PTA couple who tried to follow Diaz’s lead against a fellow PTA parent… failed terribly to meet my revenge stipulations by being really bad at carrying out their criminal plan. But first, let’s assess their motives. The object of their hatred had to have done something pretty bad to earn having a drug bag planted in her car and frame-ratted on when the dad called the police to “report” it with a faux Indian accent – right?
No?
What?
She just called their kid… “slow”?
As an adjective, it’s not very kind.
But it’s equally not very worth the extreme measures of drug stashing. And to be fair, “slow” may also be not-very inaccurate if the kid came from people who do not-very well planned crimes like these parents did. (I’ve said it many times before – only do a crime if you’re smart enough to get away with it). When the dad told the police she was “driving erratically”, he killed any chance of making it believable by saying what I assume sounded like, “der are drogs heeeden een heer carr!” Even if he had the accent nailed, how would someone who didn’t know the person – know that? Then he double foiled his own plans by making the call from a hotel with video surveillance. Can I get an extra palm for my face? I’m already so covered in them that you might not be able to hear me add how the mom forgot she’d written a book on how to commit the perfect crime and didn’t think that’d be brought up in court – or how the marital team went every man for himself in the end – when hubby tried to pin the whole thing on her.
Love it on an entertainment level. Hate what’s in store for the kid.
’cause life ain’t a soap or silly romcom. When he ends up fckked up and slinging pills of his own for other PTA parents like a scene outta American Beauty, it won’t be because he got called slow or for the quick cash. It’ll be because of his dumbass parents who never learned how to grow up and set an example.
Like by showing him how to put your enemy’s lights out when they throw shade.
As an attorney, the hubby should’ve known this would be a better legal option.
Especially since cops get overtime on drug hauls.
#thatswhyprisonsstayfull #duh