I had mild panic attack an hour ago. But this time, as I slowly entered flaccid paralysis, I opted to do a little bit of self-awareness assessment (might’s well, I thought, seeing as there wasn’t much else I was capable of managing). So… what was the source of this sadistic corporeal sorcery? Was it because A.) my detour to Facebook today featured my best friend(who was one’a the last to.. Read More
So *that’s* why I love dogs more than babies
Remember that rescue dog I wrote about a couple weeks back? Well, we got her. After calling her a litany of randomly confusing names that probably turned the poor fuzzy fckker schizophrenic, my mom and sister settled on “Baby Girl” as her official title. (Ironic, given her gargantuan proportions.) And, I’ve got to admit, I love her almost as much as I love durian or jogging. The behemoth hound weighs.. Read More
Digging deeper: the non biological clock.
I never wanted kids. I wasn’t that five year old with the doll baby, wanting to nurture and care for a bald rubber creature. In fact, when I got them, I always wanted to go refund them for the slutty barbies. While I’ve written about this before, I feel like the self-questioning about “do I really never want a family?” arises around the holidays. Because that’s when you see families.. Read More
Natal nostalgia and dumb babies
Remember that movie from the 90’s where the babies all talked in a secret language? And were super smart? And the government found out and took them to Area 51 to perform torturous and cruel experiments? Although I may have one small part of the plot confused, I totally remember seeing this in theaters. I was just a kid myself, but I remember having an Angelica a la Rugrats meets.. Read More