Ever get accused of walking around like your farts don’t stink? Maybe that’s ‘cause they don’t. Because you’re gasless. Because you eat things like Beano before you go on dates with that hot quasi-goth-quasi-hipster barista who finally acquiesced to your advances. I wish I had a funny shame story here about having no control over my own noxious air emissions, but unfortunately, I just have ones about the junk-eaters in.. Read More
Bill O’Reilly tells black people how to win at being American
Alright, class. Let’s all start our day with a collective eyeroll. While watching Bill O’ Reilly via Russell Brand’s “Trews” (only way I can manage to watch Bill), I tried my hardest to get past his caustic manner enough to hear his actual message regarding his belief about the non-existence of “white privilege”. You can call things whatever they like. I won’t take offense to it just because the adjective.. Read More
Parents butthurt over a little peen
And today in butthurt parenting, we bring you: Toy penises No, not those. I mean, literal, actual plastic penises on the toy dolls kids play with. The ones where you change their diapers because they pissed themselves that are selling at Toys R Us. Indeed, a buncha moms took to Facebook with their imaginary soapboxes to voice their vexations about these lewd trinkets ending up in their homes. How dare.. Read More