Would you ride in a windowless plane?
I don’t mean some blind metal tampon rocketing through the sky so that cloud-god has to wonder if we’re having a party in there or dead like Schrodinger’s cat. I mean one with screens of live images blanketing the entire interior of the plane – showing what’s happening outside instead of actual windows. Because that’s what’s coming in the next ten years, apparently. I didn’t “get” how this concept would be a money saver or lighter at first, but then science ‘xplained to me how in order for me and my entourage to not get sucked into oblivion when we fly to L.A. for me to accept my annual awesomery award, those windows hafta be pretty sturdy, and thus heavier.
So, subbing in surround-screen is both a cheaper and lighter ride.
Goss Pause: Does this mean I’ll get more leg room now? And a cheaper ticket? And I don’t hafta adhere to the 50 lb requirement anymore? Why do I feel like the answer is still no?”
Alright. I’ll bite.
But what happens when Ebola or Other-Religion-Extremists or whatever else the news wants me to fear this week hijacks the plane? And the pilot’s dead? And we’re all crashing to our burning deaths? Does the entire interior wall-screen go to a default setting of some pretty NatGeo style loop as the oxygen masks fall like gassy marionettes from overhead? Will I see windswept meadows at golden hour as I descend to my death? Morning sun peeking through a forest of chirping creatures?
The blue screen of death?
(Just seeing this message makes a death-dive seem like a logical plan of action.)
I feel like if we’re gonna go with a fake version of our viewfield (that’s like a fist’s distance away from me and I just can’t see because an actual window’s too inconvenient), we might as well go full faux. And have fun with it. For instance, take my epic idea into consideration: as a way for the airlines to earn more money, people should bid on what real-time flying in the sky movie they get to make their reality as they float through the clouds. People vote on what visual they wanna immerse themselves in and whoever bids the highest wins.
No matter how weird it is.
I can’t wait to subject everyone to mine – which will obviously feature us flying through the fiery atmosphere of three-quarters Earth (which is like Middle Earth, except better), presumably on a dragon, seeing as a fleet of them will be surrounding us on our cloud journey as well. Just a legion of scaly avian winged behemoths – vomiting napalm and flapping their monstrous wings furiously against the backdrop of the smoky orange and purple hazed ethereal looking sky through which we’re rocketing in unison.
Which has two suns and a Saturn-like planet visible betwixt them. (Duh.)
Everyone will pretend they don’t like my choice of transit virtual reality, at first. But just you wait. When we finally land, everyone – parents and non-parents alike – will be applauding and thanking me for the miracle of getting travel children to STFU with my awesome entertainment selection. No need to thank me, though.
Just reimburse me what I bid so I can carry on with sharing my gift to the world.