Okay, we need to settle this once and for all.

Is it “Bringing” in the New Year? Or “Ringing” it in?

MY New Year party comprises: Leopard print neck pillow, Fiji water, heating pad, and bootleg movies... All set!
Leopard print neck pillow, Fiji water, bootleg movies… Yep! All set!

I have a theory: A series of dingbats somewhere, long ago, were put in charge of making New Year’s a huge televised spectacle. One of them was supposed to construct a giant bell, so that it would be a literal “ringing in” of the new annual cycle. However, there was a mixup, and he got a giant ball instead.

Realizing they couldn’t “ring” a ball (but still had to do something huge and make a spectacle on national TV), they covered it with crystals, raised it up as high as they could, and did what Americans do best – destroy shit.

They dropped it all the way down from a kajillion stories high – like an elevator on its way to hell – and the tradition has stuck ever since.

I’ll obviously have to go and look up the “true” tradition after this entry is over, since I don’t know what it is f’real.

As for me?

Fijian wine-before-Jesus’s-magic-trick-part and bootleg streaming movies with Minnie Money.

And before you “wah” for or at me about our respective lacks of someone to smooch on New Years, I give you this short poem: “I’d rather be kiss-less than with a hot mess”. Case in point – Alfie clip:

Meh. I take it back. I’d totally let Sienna Miller embarrass me publicly if it meant I got to date her.

Here’s wishing none of you any “uh oh!” moments tonight – especially the ones more serious than drunken bishes (like getting a DUI). Stay safe 🙂

xoxo

<3~A